


The Costumer

by strangerthingswasntthatgood



Series: Born in the USA [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abuse, Harringrove, M/M, not edited, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 38,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangerthingswasntthatgood/pseuds/strangerthingswasntthatgood
Summary: The guy Billy flirted with a summer in California turns up in Hawkins when he moves there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please, don't read if abuse and/or homophobia makes you upset or uncomfortable.

Their story began a sunny Saturday afternoon in California. Billy worked, like most Saturdays, to be able to buy that one car he had had his eyes on forever. Finally something that would be his, something that would give him the freedom he both deserved and needed.

  The other guy, on the other hand, wasn’t working. He wasn’t from California, his parents had taken him there as an apology for not being home on his birthday and he was enjoying himself. His name? That’s not important yet. It won’t be for another year or so, especially not to Billy.  They’d flirt and kiss, but they wouldn't tell each other their names. Why? Because Billy knew he’d get in trouble and if he knew the name, Billy wouldn’t be the only one in trouble.

  This sunny afternoon, Billy cleaned up behind the counter. It was far too dusty for anyone’s liking and Saturday afternoons weren’t busy. He’d have another few hours before people came around to get drunk.

  “Excuse me?” Billy heard and stood, smiling at the customer. His face fit surprisingly well to that voice. It was a nice face and a nice voice. His hair was shorter now than it would be next time they saw each other, but Billy didn’t know that yet, either.

  “What can I help you with?” Billy asked, as he threw the towel he was holding over his shoulder. The guy in front of him seemed to think, soon deciding to sit.

  “Do you have a coke or something? It’s too hot to be outside.” 

  Billy doubted it was actually too hot to be outside, but the guy obviously wasn’t from here. Really, who wore a jacket in California when the sun was burning outside? No one, unless they came from somewhere else, would do that.

  “One coke, coming up. Want some water as well?” Billy asked, got one of the freshly washed glasses on the table and turned around to get one of the cokes. He stopped for a second, to hear the answer.

   “Yes, please.” 

  Billy pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge as well, placed the two bottles on the counter in front of the guy. Billy had one last look at him before he squatted down again to continue the cleaning.

  “It’s awfully quiet in here.” the guy said and Billy couldn't help but to feel annoyed. Here he was, trying to do his job and this guy, that wasn’t even from here, he wanted to talk? 

  “Busy hours is from eight to twelve.” Billy replied and decided to reorganize the glasses as he worked. It wouldn’t take much longer than this already did and he didn’t want to have a look at the other again. Billy couldn’t even imagine what that smile would look like. 

  It was quiet for what felt like an eternity. Billy forgot he even had any customers there, hummed along to the music on the radio and put the glasses on top of the counter as he cleaned.

   “You like music a lot, huh?” the customer asked and just as Billy was about to stand, he slammed his head against the counter and let out a pained huff.

  “What?” he asked, as he finally stood to have a look at the man, one hand rubbing the back of his head as if to rub the ache away. 

  “Do you like music?” the guy asked again and Billy rolled his eyes, but smiled as he nodded.

  “Pretty much. My mom was a sucker for The Beatles and even though it’s not my thing, I’ve heard them enough to know them.” Billy said, leaned back a little to have a proper look around the place.

  He had been here every Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning for the past nine months and he knew this place better than his own bedroom. Yeah, alright, Billy was desperate. He really wanted that car and if he had to work until he died, he would. Besides, it was nice to be away from home. No Susan, no Max, no dad. Just him, this place and the thought of a car.

  “The Beatles, really? A friend of mine, she still swoons over them.” the guy laughed and Billy couldn’t help but the genuine smile that tugged the corner of his lips.

  “What are you doing in California, then?” Billy asked, as he got the other another coke and opened one for himself. The guy glanced up at him and Billy could tell he was surprised.

  “What, you think I haven’t seen tourists before?” Billy laughed and shook his head, before taking a sip from the bottle. 

  “I’m here with my parents. It’s a late birthday present.” the guy shrugged, his face suddenly darker than it had been just a second ago. Family trouble, huh? Billy had seen all of it and to read people was almost as easy as reading a book was these days.

  “You’ve been to San Francisco yet?” Billy asked. He didn’t want the other to feel uncomfortable, especially not when they were all alone and he wasn’t from here. 

  “Not yet.” Steve confessed. “Is it worth going?”

  Billy nodded.

  “Definitely. It’s half an hour bus ride from here. I’ll show you the way if you want me to.”

 

The guy, or “The Customer” as Billy called him, had stayed until Billy had to close the bar. They had talked a lot about what one could do in San Francisco and they had ended up deciding that they could go together. Billy had to make sure they didn’t sell his car, after all, and “The Customer” was afraid he’d get lost. They had spent a lot of time together since that afternoon in the bar. Billy worked most days and the guy stayed with him. Billy sneaked the guy coke after coke and they quickly became friends. 

  “Hey”, Billy whispered gently, as he shook the other awake. They had shared the guy’s hotel room for tonight, mostly because Billy had missed his bus home. He had called his dad, Susan had picked up and Billy had quickly explained that he needed to stay the night. Susan had said it was nothing to worry about and that she’d talk to Neil.

  “Not yet.” the guy whined and moved away from Billy, who snuck his hand around his waist and pulled him back again.

  “We gotta take the bus in an hour, got it?” Billy asked, as he sat up and threw his feet over the edge of the bed. Billy didn’t know what had made him do this. Sure, they had talked for days, but this was a complete stranger. Billy supposed it had a lot to do with how hot he was and how kind he looked when he smiled. To be honest, he was adorable when he was asleep. He curled up in a ball, hands between his thighs and head propped up by two pillows. 

  Billy left the bed and took a shower, let the guy sleep a little longer. When Billy returned, with only his underwear on and drying his hair with a towel, Steve sat by the edge of the bed with Billy’s shirt on and a smoke in between his lips.

  “You stealing my clothes now, customer?”, Billy asked as he walked closer, sat down next to Steve and snapped the smoke from his lips. “Don’t you think we’re moving a little too fast?”

  The guy laughed and shook his head. He stood and left the room two minutes later.

 

Billy fell asleep on the bus. Sure, it was only half an hour, but Billy hadn’t slept much the same night. Instead, he had curled up next to the guy and smoked until he didn’t have more to smoke. He’d have to get a new pack today or steal some from the guy.

  He could feel the guy next to him move, but he didn’t bother to open his eyes just yet. He doubted they were by their stop already. Just as that thought hit him, his eyes shot open and he sat up. Shit, their stop. They’d have to get off the bus one stop earlier. Today was  _ the day _ . The day Billy had avoided all his life because if his father found out…

  “Are you okay?” the guy asked and Billy moved to have a look at him, smiling lightly. Billy suddenly felt exhausted and the weight in his stomach felt heavier than it ever had before and didn’t stop shifting until the guy pulled him up to his feet.

  “Let’s get off, you don’t look too good”

  Billy nodded and followed the guy off the bus, hoped to god that they wouldn’t get caught up in the whole thing. 

  “Are you okay?” the guy asked again and Billy slowly nodded, but leaned against a wall to try to calm down. If he just stayed calm, everything would be alright. It wasn’t as if they had to go there, just because it happened today. And even if they did go, no one had to know. His dad didn’t work here and he’d be fine. They could go all they want and not tell anyone and they’d be fine. Right?

   “What’s going on?” Billy could hear he was getting worried and Billy honestly understood, but he couldn’t deal with both of them freaking out.

  “It’s that queer bullshit today.” Billy muttered through gritted teeth. He saw the hurt in The Customer’s face, saw the grimace as he tried not to show it and saw the tiny pout. 

  “I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that”, Billy said, as he grabbed the guy’s hand and pulled him closer. “I just… If dad finds out, I’m a dead man.”

  “We don’t have to go. Even if we did, your dad, he doesn’t have to know.” the guy whispered gently and Billy just knew. The guy wanted to go and he was going to convince Billy with nothing but a smile. Billy hugged the guy’s fingers with his own and nodded.

  “I know. We can still go if you want. Just don’t tell anyone.”

  “Really?” The pout turned to a smile just as quickly as it had turned into a pout and Billy let out an amused sound.

 

The “Faggot Parade” was nothing like Billy had imagined. People were respectful and happy and when anyone came to bully someone else, the people just kind of… stood up for each other. It was something Billy had never seen before, not like this anyway. The guy he had with him seemed amazed as well, turning from right to left to have a proper look at everything that happened. Billy was just as curious, but shyer. Or more embarrassed, really. People clung to him, sang songs for him and talked to him, but Billy couldn’t fully appreciate it. The thought of what would happen if his father ever found out played over and over in his head like some sort of movie. A horrible movie, at that.

   “Relax, sweetcheeks.” someone said to his right. It wasn’t the guy he had spent the night with, but someone else he wasn’t sure if he had ever seen before. He probably hadn’t, he normally didn’t spend time with… queers.

  “I’m James.” the man on his left said and grinned playfully. Billy’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly turned towards the guy on his left to make sure he wasn’t listening.

  “I’m Billy, but don’t tell.” Billy nodded towards the guy on his left and James’ laughed. 

  As things turned out, James was older than both “The Customer” and Billy himself and James managed to trick the bartender. Billy was, according to James, his younger brother who had just found out he might not at all be a brother and that “The Customer” was James’ boyfriend. Billy was pretty amused by it, until the bartender gave him a Coca Cola with the words “For Miss.”

  James and “The Costumer” had a beer, but only after tipping the bartender a whole lot. 

  The day had been surprisingly comfortable. Billy hadn’t forgotten about his dad, but he had managed to not care for a little bit. James had slapped a few stickers to his jacket, stickers that said stuff like “Here to be queer” and “Gay for a day” and honestly, it was so goddamn nice to have someone be okay with it. Not a lot of the people they saw seemed to care, either. 

  Only when the time past eleven and it was as dark as it ever got in California, did James stretch and stand. 

  “You two need a ride? I better not go home tonight, my ma smells I’ve been drinking and I’m out of the house for good.” 

  “We’d appreciate it.” Billy nodded and threw some money on the table as tip for the waitress. She had been good to them, really, and she had respected Billy when he told her to shut up with the “miss”. 

  “I’ll drive, then. You guys like Bruce Springsteen?” James asked, as he unlocked the car and held the passenger side door open. Billy nodded towards “The Customer”, as if to tell him to take that side, and climbed inside the back himself. 

  They listened to an awful mixtape on their way to Billy’s place, but the music was somewhat soothing. Billy was almost as tired now as he had been before he fell asleep last night. He met James’ eyes in the mirror.

  “You falling asleep on us, sweetcheeks?” James asked and Billy shook his head with a small laugh.

  “Don’t worry about it.” James told him when Billy shook his head. Billy glanced out the window, just to be sure where they are.

  “Hey, hey!”, he said, no longer feeling as exhausted as he had been just a moment ago. “You need to turn. It’s just down the street from now.”

  “The Costumer” let out a small yelp as James turned.

  “Hey, if you guys want, you can have the rest of my stickers. There’s some patches too, if you want them.” James said and as soon as he had parked the car, he reached back in the backseat and grabbed a paper bag. As soon as he had it, he threw some patches and stickers at Billy and then did the same with the guy next to him.

  “I can’t… My dad…” Billy began, but stopped. Even if he wouldn’t see them around again, it was something he couldn’t tell them. He just didn’t want people to know, especially not since his mom passed. 

  “Have the bag. Hide them somewhere in your room. Or even better, somewhere where he’d never look for your stuff.” James said and gave him the bag, as well as a phone number. “Hit me up sometime, kiddo.”

  Billy hesitated, but took the bag and shoved all the things he had gotten in it. It wasn’t much and Billy doubted his dad would see it. To be fair, his old man was probably asleep already and Billy could always sneak inside and hide it somewhere else. He knew a piece of the floor was loose in Max’s bedroom. He could always hide it in there.

  “Thank you.” Billy said and pushed the door open to get out. He had one last look at the men in the car before he stepped out, closed the door and turned around. He couldn’t have a look at them, he just couldn’t. He walked towards the door, but stopped halfway when he heard one of the car doors open and close. He glanced over his shoulder and saw “The Costumer” came running. He turned around to have another look at him, frowning.

   “What’s up?” he asked, and the guy came closer and wrapped his arms around Billy’s neck. 

  “The stickers. On your back.” the guy whispered and Billy could feel the other scratch his back gently. Billy had forgotten about the stickers and he was so damn thankful for the guy that he couldn’t properly express it with words.

   “Thanks.” Billy whispered and leaned into the hug. The guy pressed a quick kiss to Billy’s lips and let go.

  “I’m going back home in two days. Be there?” the guy asked and Billy thought for a second, before he nodded.

  “Yes, sir.”

  Billy watched as James pulled away from the sidewalk and waved, even if he wasn’t sure if they saw it. He turned around once again to walk up the stairs to the door and pushed it open. He sneaked inside, the paper bag in one hand and his keys in the other. The door had been open, which was weird, but Billy figured Susan had forgotten to lock it before they went to bed. Billy toed his shoes off by the door, but kept his jacket on. As he walked past the kitchen, he reached in to switch the light off. He had gotten so used to it by now that he didn’t take any notice of his dad. Just as Billy was about to pull back, someone grabbed his wrist and Billy could have sworn he was about to shit himself. The weight in his stomach was back in a matter of seconds and Billy damned himself for being so stupid. The movie he had somehow managed to forget during the evening was playing all over again and it all happened in a matter of seconds. 

  “Where have you been, Billy?” Neil asked quietly and Billy did his best to hide the paper bag behind his legs without making it too obvious that he was actually hiding something. If Billy didn’t pay any attention to it, neither would his dad. 

  “At work.” Billy replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He’d get hell if Neil ever figured out he was lying, but he couldn’t manage a beating right now. He was gonna see “The Customer” in a few days and if his dad knew everything that had happened today, Billy wasn’t sure if he would be able to leave bed until then. 

  “Where have you been?” his father asked again and Billy knew he didn’t have any choice but to tell the truth, especially if he wanted to get out of this alive.

  “San Francisco”, Billy mumbled, closing his eyes for a brief moment as he tried to come up with a plan. “I showed a guy around.”

  Billy bit back a pained huff when the fingers around his wrists squeezed harder. He’d have bruises, but so far, so good. 

  “A faggot?” his father wasn’t as quiet as he had been when Billy first came inside. He wasn’t screaming, but he talked loud enough to wake up both Susan and Max. It wasn’t a large house, after all. 

  “I won’t ask again, Billy.”

  “Yeah”, Billy finally let out. “A faggot.”

  When they stood like this, his father looked scarier than usual. The only thing that lit up his face was the light from the street lamps that shone in through the windows and it was almost as if Billy was a kid again. Almost as if he stood up to that one monster he knew he could never win over.

   “And you kissed him.” Neil was closer now. His father’s breath tickled Billy’s chin and he moved his face to the side. As if this wasn’t enough, he could hear footsteps by the bathroom.

  “Dad, I didn’t.” Billy whispered, tried to take a step back to get away from there. 

  “What did you say?” Neil asked and just as Billy was about to reply again, Neil let go off his wrist and pushed him back. Billy took a step back, crashed into the wall behind him. The footsteps stopped and then rushed towards them. Shit. This had been a thing between Billy and Neil since the girls moved in here, but now? 

  “Neil? Billy?” Susan had stopped a feet from them and Billy moved away from the wall, rubbing his back where he had hit it. 

  “It’s alright. I’ll head to bed now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, dad.” Billy promised and left as quickly as he could without it being suspicious. He could hear Susan and his dad talk, but couldn’t be bothered to listen. He threw the paper bag under his bed and shrugged his jacket off. He couldn’t be bothered to undress and only curled up in bed, carefully holding his wrist. At least it wasn’t broken. 

 

When Billy woke up the next morning, he stayed in bed for a lot longer than he would have had if he hadn’t had that fight with his dad. He knew it would be worse today than it had been yesterday, but Susan probably thought she was helping. When he finally rolled out of bed, he carefully placed his feet on the floor. The floor always creeked when he got up from the bed and it was something he had gotten used to, but today? It scared him more than it normally would. He got up quickly, wanted to get it over and done with, and changed his clothes. He threw his jacket over his shoulder and pushed his bedroom door open. If he was quick, he knew he could get to the door in twenty seconds and then get his shoes on in thirty. He had practiced since he was a kid and even now, he knew fifty seconds was too much. A lot could happen in fifty seconds and all the things that could happen scared the shit out of him. Besides, it sounded as if someone was in the kitchen and he needed to walk past the kitchen to get out. He knew he should have taken his shoes to his bedroom last night. He just fucking knew it.

  “Morning, Billy. You going somewhere?” Susan asked, as she past him and the open door. Her voice had snapped him back to reality and what scared him more than just standing there, was how unaware he had been of her presence until she spoke. 

  “Yeah, I think so.” Billy nodded and stepped outside, tiptoed to the door rather than ran. He knew this house better than any other place in the world and every single shadow still scared him. He supposed it was because even the tiniest of shadows could be his dad.

   “Billy, can we talk?” he heard from the kitchen, just as he passed the doorway. Thirty seconds. Did he want to risk it? Billy didn’t, he really didn’t, but there was a slight chance he’d manage, right?

   “Sure, dad, what’s up?” he asked and leaned back to have a look at his father. He seemed less terrifying now than in the dark yesterday, but he still looked scary. He looked exactly like he had when Billy was a kid and his father only had been violent when he was drunk. He looked all the same but he wasn’t the same. Billy doubted he’d ever be the same again. 

  Max pushed herself through and walked inside the kitchen. Susan wasn’t there yet and Billy didn’t want Max there, either. It was scary enough without anyone else there.

   “I want to talk about yesterday.” Neil said and stood. Billy took a step back, even though he didn’t really mean to. It was scary to see someone you had once been so close to turn into this… monster. 

  “Is that a sticker?” Max suddenly asked and Billy was sure his heart stopped. He hadn’t even thought about it, especially not since the guy from yesterday had taken off some of them before they said goodbye. 

  “No.” Billy promised and quickly had a look at his jacket. Before he could look up again, Neil had him up against the wall. Just like they finished yesterday, huh?

  “Dad”, Billy choked out, Neil’s lower arm pressed against Billy’s throat. “Dad, please.”

  “Are you a faggot, son?”

  Billy would have shaken his head, but Neil had such a firm grip of him that he wasn’t sure if he could move. Just as Billy was about to open his mouth, his father ripped the sticker from his shoulder and let out an unamused laugh.

  “You’re a queer piece of shit, Billy.” he whispered, pressed his arm harder to Billy’s throat. Tears spilled from Billy’s eyes as he did his best to keep breathing.

  Billy didn’t know for how long they stood like that. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know, either. The only thing he knew for sure was that he sure as hell wouldn’t be able to stand there for much longer. 

  “I’m gonna beat the faggot out of you if I ever see you with a man again.” Neil promised and Billy knew for sure that it wasn’t empty threats. When Neil finally let go, Billy coughed, leaned against the wall for support and glanced towards his shoes. Maybe it would be better to stay in today, after all.

 

The guy, or as we will know him very soon, Steve, glanced over his shoulder. He knew, for some reason, no one would be there to say goodbye and it hurt. As if to take as long as possible, Steve decided to have another look in his suitcase, but there still wasn’t anyone around when he was done. He got inside the car, told his parents he was ready to leave and promised himself he’d never return. 


	2. Chapter Two

“Billy”, a familiar voice said. “Wake up, we’re here.”

  Billy opened his eyes and glanced up at Susan’s smiling face. Great. It honestly smelled like shit in the car and Billy doubted it would get any better. His old man was still in California and would take the family car to the new place in a couple of days, when the house was sold. He and Susan had taken turns, even though he didn’t like the idea of giving her access to the only thing that was actually his. He had worked his ass off a whole year before he could buy it and he couldn’t help it.

  Yeah, that’s right. Susan had to drive his car, because his father couldn’t leave Billy all alone for longer than ten seconds. Billy could swear Max had had her feet against the back of the seats and that she had touched the window and just ruined it.

  Finally, as if he had tried to avoid it, he glanced out the window to have a look at their new home. His heart hurt at the thought. He missed California and they hadn’t even been here for ten minutes. He missed the boys, the girls, the sun and most of all, he missed swimming.

  “Will you help me with the boxes?” Susan asked with a bright smile and tied up her hair in a bun. Billy couldn’t see why he hadn’t stayed in California with his dad for another few days, but then again Neil had been pretty clear of why he had to go to Hawkins with Susan and Max. It would be nice to not have him around for awhile, but Billy still worried about it.

  Billy got out of the car and pulled his backpack with him, as well as a box with what seemed to comic books. Max’s, obviously. Billy had given her all of his when Max and Susan moved in with them.

  “The big bedroom is mine and Neil’s!” Susan called after Max, who had already thrown a backpack over her shoulder and was on her way inside. She carried her skateboard and it annoyed Billy to the point where he almost threw her damn comics to the ground. If she didn’t have to carry shit, then why did he? 

   “Isn’t it just lovely, Billy?” Susan asked, as she held the door open for him. He nodded slowly and stepped inside without a word. He didn’t bother taking his shoes off, but looked for Max and put her box on the floor.

  “Get up and help your mom, you piece of shit.” Billy muttered under his breath, wanted to make sure Susan wouldn’t hear the two of them. 

  Max shrugged and got up from the chair where she sat, left the room before Billy could say anything else. Susan snuck her head inside a second later.

  “Neil said Max could take this room, but if you want to change we can arrange it.”

  “It’s fine, Susan. I’ll have the other one.” Billy promised, even though he hadn’t had a look at the other room yet. He couldn’t be bothered to protest and if he was trouble already, Neil wouldn’t be easy on him when he came back. 

 

“How’s the countryside, dickface?” The voice on the phone sounded nothing like it did in real life, but it was the only thing he had from California that hopefully wouldn’t give up on him just yet.

  “Stinks”, Billy confessed and pushed the door close just for a second. “I miss California.”

  “California misses you, too, sweetcheeks.” James replied and Billy rolled his eyes. There he had it, the only reason he couldn’t have the door open when he spoke in the phone. 

  James was probably the only one he had to talk to about all of this. James hadn’t been around all that long, they had met half a year before Billy moved, but James knew enough shit about him, anyway.

  “Any hot boys?” James asked and Billy could hear his grin all over the phone.

  “You’ll be the death of me, you know? You’ll be the reason my old man kills me.”

  James laughed. It was something Billy never knew he would miss, but he did. They had never done anything besides kiss once, but it was as if they had a quiet agreement that it would be better if they left it at that.

  “Better help mommy pack up now, Billy boy. Never know when he’ll come around.”

  Billy stopped for a second when he heard James, because his words were just so… true, so honest. 

  “I check my look in the mirror, I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face.” Billy replied and hung up before James could reply. He knew James was right, he should help Susan out, but… he needed a second, alright? He needed to get used to this bullshit and it would take weeks, but he just needed a goddamn moment.

  “Billy!”

  Billy sighed and put the phone back, cleared his throat before he pushed the door open. Help Susan unpack, go to bed, get up, help Susan some more. He’d manage. Only another two weeks before school began.

  “What, Max?” Billy called back, found her in her room. She sat on the floor, going through a box of vinyls. 

  “Here’s the one you got from your boyfriend.” Max held out her arm and Billy glanced down at the cover. Of course it was Bruce Springsteen.

  “He’s not my boyfriend. And that whole box looks as if its mine.” he said as he walked closer, pulled the box away from the girl and pulled it up in his arms, before snatching  _ Born in the USA _ from her. 

 

The rest of the day, Billy tried to stay in his room. He had helped Susan as soon as she asked. He carried boxes, made them all lunch and fixed his own room. He listened to  _ Born in the USA _ when he could. He missed California, he missed James, he missed his job… There wasn’t a single thing he didn’t miss.

  It was just past two in the morning when Billy woke up. It took him a moment to figure out what the hell it was, but as soon as he did, he knew he couldn’t get up. He’d still get up, of course, even though he really didn’t want to. He’d try to sneak past, even though he knew he would never really make it to the kitchen without being seen. 

  Slowly, as if to make sure the floor or bed didn’t make any sound, Billy moved to sit up. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and stood, almost too quickly. The floor, which would have made a sound in the old house, didn’t whine, but the bed did. Billy cursed under his breath as he moved closer to the walls. Carefully, he ran his fingers over the cold surface. He took small steps towards the door, always pressing his feet to the floor for a second before he put his whole weight on it. He had to make sure it didn’t sound too much, no matter what. It didn’t matter if his dad wasn’t there and it didn’t matter that Susan wasn’t awake, he still needed to be quiet. When he finally reached the door, he pushed it open with one hand and held the wall with the other. Thankfully it was quiet enough for no one to notice. Alright. Kitchen. Water. Back to bed. 

  Just as he took the last step to the kitchen, the quiet clicking sound stopped. Billy couldn’t help but to laugh. Of course. Of fucking course. Max was about to go to bed and to get to bed, she had to walk past him. Of course she’d notice and she’d tell Susan and Susan would tell Neil and Billy? Billy would have the worst weekend of his life. Again. All thanks to that fucking girl. All thanks to Maxine.

  “Billy?” The voice was fainter than it usually was. Billy assumed it was because she didn’t want to wake up her mother.

  “What the hell do you want?” he whispered back angrily, as he turned around to have a look at her. She had pulled up her hair, just like her mother had earlier that day. Billy could see the differences between mother and daughter, but there were too many similarities. The eyebrows, the same way they’d glare and that twitch of the mouth when they weren’t satisfied with anything.

  “I can’t sleep.” Max confessed and Billy turned away from her, as he filled a glass with water and drank all of it in a matter of seconds.

  “And that’s my problem?” Billy asked, as he carefully began washing the glass. He couldn’t wake Susan and he sure as hell couldn’t leave a dirty glass in the sink. Things had to be good when Neil came there.

  “No..” Max muttered back and took a step back. Billy heard the sound when her foot touched the floor. Max hadn’t learned yet that you never walk without socks in a house with an asshole, but Billy, Billy he knew.

  “You wanna come to my bedroom?” Billy finally asked, as he put the glass away again and turned around to have another look at the girl.

 

“What do you miss the most?” Max asked quietly. Billy had invited her to his room and now they were curled up in the bed. They normally didn’t do this, to be fair they never had earlier, but they both were homesick after something they’d never return to. 

  “The waves.” Billy replied just as quietly, leaning in to ruffle Max’s hair. She glared, but Billy could see the corner of her lips pulling up.

  “You miss your dad, don’t you?” Billy asked and Max glanced away, before she nodded. Billy felt for her, he really did. His mother had passed and Billy was still angry with her for that. Billy would never forgive her, but Max? Max had her father right there and he should be there for her, but he wasn’t. 

  “I suppose you can’t meet up with boys here.” Max shrugged and Billy quickly turned away. Fucking hell, not even now could she shut up about it? 

  “Get out”, he growled, pushed her off the bed. “And close the fucking door.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, yo.

Hawkins was horrible. Billy had only been there for a week and he already wanted to leave. Hawkins was everything California wasn’t. No sun, no beach and nowhere for Billy to hide when he needed to get away from the house. Neil wasn’t even there yet and Billy was so scared he barely left his bedroom for anything other than the meals they had together. He had packed a backpack as soon as he had gotten here, had thrown it in one of the boxes with his vinyls and hoped to god that no one would find it. He’d find a better place for it eventually, but right now? Right now, he just needed to survive until his father came here.

  It was a Sunday morning when Billy first heard the familiar sound of a car outside. Billy was on the phone when it happened, was curled up in a chair next to the phone as he spoke to James.

  “I think I gotta go.” Billy said, a weight in his stomach. He was so used to the weight that he didn’t think much of it, but today it was so heavy he doubted he’d be able to stand. Even though he would have wanted to stay there with James for a little longer, he said goodbye to James and put the chair back where it was supposed to be. His knees were weak and they trembled as Billy walked. This wouldn’t be so bad. He had been good. His old man would only make sure Susan told the truth. 

  Just when Billy headed to open the door, Susan pushed the door open and Neil stepped inside. The sudden burst of emotions made it even harder for Billy to stand up straight. He grabbed the wall next to him, just to make sure he wouldn’t fall over. He had never liked it when he had to be away from his father, because no matter what he did, he was sure it would result in punishment. It always was worse when they hadn’t seen each other for a while, no matter what had happened or why they hadn’t seen each other. Billy watched as Susan embraced her husband and pressed a loving kiss to his cheek. Billy uncomfortably shifted from one leg to the other and waited for their little moment to end. 

  When Susan finally pulled back, Billy decided to walk closer and waved a little to his father as a greeting. That way he couldn’t get shit for being disrespectful, anyway.

  “Do you need some help?” Billy asked and watched as his father nodded. That surely couldn’t be good. Either Neil knew something Billy didn’t or maybe, if Billy wanted to be hopeful, was just tired and angry with the road.

  Billy pulled his shoes on and threw a jacket over his shoulders. He stepped outside a moment after Neil had and his old man was already by the car. Billy watched as he pulled out a box and stepped closer to the car. Neil handed him the box and soon reached in for another one.

  “How’s your sister?”

  Billy cleared his throat at the question, was ready to protest, but stopped when he saw his father’s face. He wasn’t happy, Billy could tell. No way in hell they’d get going out here, though. Neil was careful with this sort of stuff, didn’t want anyone but the family to know. As if to not have to reply, Billy glanced down at the box he held in his hands. It was heavier than the one with comics had been and a word written in read told him the box was kitchen-related.

  “How is she?” Neil asked again and Billy snapped his head up to have a look at the man. He didn’t look nearly as scary as he had that night in the kitchen, but it didn’t really matter. Billy’s knees went weak only at the thought of what his father could do to him.

  “Max, she’s… she’s fine.” Billy said lamely and realised that he actually hadn’t talked with Max at all since the night when she pissed him off. Maybe that was why Neil was angry? Could he be angry because Max and Billy didn’t talk?

  “Susan told me you’ve used the phone a lot.”

  Right. There it was. The thing that would make him bruise in places people wouldn’t see. Billy couldn’t even begin to explain how he felt in these moments. There wasn’t a lot of them, but Billy always was on edge and he knew the next moment could come whenever.

  “Yeah, I’ve talked to…” Billy was cut off by the door opening. He glanced over his shoulder to have a look at Max, who had her skateboard in one hand and her jacket in the other. He glanced back at his father and hurriedly took a step back. Maybe they could do this alone a little later, when everything was in the house and Neil could lock the two of them up in Billy’s bedroom. Billy turned around as Max walked down the stairs from the door. She said something to Neil, but Billy didn’t have the time to stay for a chat with the two of them. He left his shoes on as he walked towards the kitchen and placed the box on the kitchen table. Susan thanked him and opened the box, just as Billy rubbed away the tears that stung behind his eyelids.

  “Billy?”, she asked, voice as gentle as his mother’s once had been. “Are you alright?”

  Billy didn’t reply, only took a step back and walked back outside. He met his father by the car. Neil pushed another box into his hands and Billy stood there, waiting. He didn’t know what he waited for, to be honest. He didn’t know if it was a blow or a couple of words, but he knew he waited for something.

  “Billy”, Neil said. His voice sounded nothing like Susan’s had. This was a voice filled with hatred and annoyance. “If you talk to that boy over the phone again… You know what we’ve talked about.”

  Yeah, Billy did know what they had talked about. They had talked about how faggots ended up in the hospital one way or another and how his father refused to have a faggot under his roof. Of course, they had talked about a lot of other shit, too, but that was the main part of that one last conversation in California. 

  Billy would have replied, if Neil hadn’t left him all alone out there. He would have told him that he’d never call again. He’d never pick up again and he’d throw away  _ Born in the USA  _ if that was what he had to do, even though he knew he wouldn’t. He’d call James again and he’d pick up again and he certainly would play Bruce Springsteen again. 


	4. Chapter Four

“Have you met Steve Harrington yet?” Carol asked, as she leaned closer and brushed her thumb against his lower lip. Billy shook his head with a charming smile. He had been there for less than four hours and Carol already expected him to know everyone?

  “I don’t think so, sweetheart. Why?” Billy asked, as he finished his lunch. The food wasn’t nearly as horrible as he had thought it would be.

  “You have to come to Tina’s party tonight, I know he’ll be there.” Carol said and leaned back again. She seemed to pay more attention to Billy than to Tommy and Tommy had had that sour face all since first class. Billy didn’t mind, neither Tommy nor Carol was his to deal with. 

  “What party?” Billy asked, as if he hadn’t already heard and hadn’t already been invited three times.

  “Halloween party!” Carol sing-sang together with one of her friends.

  “Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

 

Billy already knew how the party would end when he came there. He’d go home with some girl, spend a few hours with her and go home. He’d sneak in and take some of Max’s candy to hide in his emergency-backpack. Halloween had always been a good one. He could take as much candy as he wanted and the candy would keep him somewhat full on the worst of days. There was only a tiny detail Billy hadn’t thought of. Steve Harrington. 

  Billy had driven there as soon as he had dropped Max off. He had picked up Tommy on the way. Tommy had muttered something about how the girls had to get ready on their own and that Tommy hadn’t been allowed in the house until now. 

  When Billy parked the car, Tommy pulled him out of it and waved at the girls by the door. There was a few people there already, but Billy doubted this would be it. He had seen small parties before and most of them begun with pizza and wine, not beer and almost naked ladies. 

  “Billy, Tommy!” Carol called and waved, brought them to the backside of the house. Billy had a look around and was soon passed a red cup and a smoke. 

  “Love the costume”, Billy said to Carol as he gave her the cup. “You look amazing.”

  It barely took half an hour before the house filled up with people. Billy stayed outside. It was a warm night and Billy sure missed warm nights. After that half hour, a lot happened. Keg King or not, Billy actually enjoyed himself. 

  He walked inside with Tommy, Tommy clapping his shoulder and telling him something about just how great he was. Billy let Tommy run away and banned his way between all the people. He loved the feeling of sweaty bodies against his own. He didn’t feel safe, but he knew it would be more difficult for people to get to him like this. 

  That’s when he saw him. The one person that was not supposed to be here. The Costumer. The one person his father had wanted to take him away from. For a brief second he had no idea what the hell to do. Billy wondered if he should turn around and leave, but the thought of his lips against Billy’s… He couldn’t help himself. He moved from where he stood and walked closer to the other with a grin. Billy didn’t take any notice of the girl next to the man he knew and just as Billy was about to say something, Tommy came and ruined the moment.

  “Harrington!”

  Steve. Steve, that was his name. Holy shit. Billy finally knew.

  As soon as Tommy had left and Steve didn’t seem as busy with his girlfriend, Billy dragged him inside one of the bedrooms and closed the door. If there had been a lock he sure as hell would have locked as well. He didn’t want to be caught in the middle of a bedroom with a guy. 

  “I know your name now.” Steve said, just as Billy turned around. Steve didn’t look nearly as happy with him as he had that last night. The memory made his stomach twist.

  “And I know yours.” Billy replied. He leaned against the wardrobe behind him and let out a sigh. Of course Steve would be angry with him, Billy hadn’t been there to say goodbye. Fuck. The memory of Steve’s lips didn’t feel as alive as it had an hour earlier. 

  “You never said goodbye.” Steve said and Billy could see that this was going to be the end of whatever little trust there was left. If there was anything left.

  “You don’t understand, Steve.” Billy said and he wanted to explain. He wanted to explain so badly, but there was not a single thing he could say that would make up for the months that Steve had gone without an apology.

  “No!”, Steve said. “No, I don’t! You promised!”

  Billy glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one heard, but the music played loud enough that he was sure Steve could scream and no one would hear them. Billy hated this. He hated this so much and he wished he could call James or go back to California or anything that didn’t ruin his whole life.

  “I couldn’t come.” Billy whispered quietly, even though Billy doubted Steve could hear him. 

  Billy watched as Steve left the room and let out a huff when the door slammed shut behind him.

 

Billy wasn’t sure how he had managed to slip away from the party. It was sometime after Steve had left and Carol and Tommy were grinding against each other on the dance floor. One of Carol’s friends had asked him if he should really leave this soon, then pushed a bag of candy in his hand and let him leave. 

  Billy soon found himself in a phonebooth, searching for whatever coins he might have. As soon as he had paid, he pressed the phone to the side of his face and waited. If no one picked up, he wasn’t sure of what the hell he would do. He’d probably turn around and never return to California. Run away from home.

  “‘s James.” 

  Oh, thank god.

  “It’s him. I can’t be here.” Billy whispered into the phone. He could feel rain against his back and the wind blew right through his jacket, but it was better than to go home right now. He had to talk to James and he couldn’t do that at home right now. 

  “Sweetcheeks, calm down. Is everything alright?”

  Billy felt lightheaded and tired. He was too drunk to think properly. 

  “Billy, you still there? You gonna tell me what’s going on?” James sounded worried now. Billy didn’t even know where to start. 

  “The guy. From Pride. He’s here. I need to to get away.” 

  The line was quiet. Billy thought James might have hung up on him, when the other finally talked.

  “Stay away from him. You know what your dad said.”


	5. Chapter 5

Billy came home an hour later. He had managed to calm down and as soon as he felt a little better, he had gone home. He wanted to listen to some music and go to bed. He could work out in the morning, even though his head would hurt. He could skip out on anything his father and Susan would want to, keep an eye on Max and make her pancakes or some shit for breakfast.

  As soon as Billy parked the car, the door opened. Billy turned his car off and kept watching the door. He didn’t know if he should get out of the car or not, but finally decided to get out. He closed the door and walked slightly closer.

  “Did you pick Max up?” Neil asked him when he came closer. Billy damned himself, but shook his head.

  “No. I’ve been drinking, I can’t be bothered.” Billy said, as he tried to push past Neil. Neil grabbed his upper arm and Billy stopped. It was for the better.

  “Neil, is that Billy?” Susan asked from inside and Billy let out a huff. He’d have to go pick her up, then. Maybe the adults in the house had been drinking, too, and now Billy would have to be the adult. The babysitter. As if he was the one to have kids.

  “Yeah, it’s Billy”, Neil replied, as he held his eyes on Billy. “He just agreed to picking Max up.” 

  “She can skate home.” Billy told Neil quietly and tried to pull away from his father, but Neil gripped his arm tighter.

  “Go pick her up, Billy.”

  Billy nodded again. He didn’t want to argue. He supposed he could do this some other time. He supposed it was better if he just listened this time.

  “I’ll be back in half an hour.” Billy stepped back outside and caught Susan’s eyes before he turned around. This was all her fault. If she hadn’t come into their life, neither would Max have. He’d be alone with his dad and he’d get a few blows, but they wouldn’t be so angry with each other. Not like this.

  When Billy sat in the car again, he turned on some music. It wasn’t nearly as loud as he normally had it, but it didn’t really matter. His head already hurt. It took fifteen minutes to drive and Max stood by the side of the road. Thankfully she was all alone and it barely took two minutes before they pulled away.

  The ride home was quiet. Billy had turned off the music when he parked the car and Max had climbed inside. The car’s spinning was the only thing that broke the uncomfortable silence.

  “Did you get any candy?” Billy asked, finally. It was another five minutes before they were home and he didn’t want Max to be grumpy when they came home.

  “Why do you care?” Max asked and Billy glanced over at her, watched as she stared out the window with crossed arms.

  “Nevermind, then, shitface.”

 

A few days passed without anything really happening. He played basketball with that Harrington-kid and spent lunch with Tommy and Carol. It really wasn’t much other than that. Every day in this goddamn place was the same. His dad was usually pissed when he came home. They had argued so much about Max lately his dad sat him down to have a “talk”.

  The talk consisted of Neil going on about respect and responsibility, like every other talk always was. It was about that Billy was about to turn eighteen and that he had to get his shit together. It was about how he needed to get a job now, because Neil doubted Billy would ever want to go to college. And even if he did want to go to college, who the fuck would pay? It was a few blows, too, but that wasn’t as important.

  School the day after the talk was bad. Billy’s side hurt and like most times when he cried, his head ached. It wasn’t anything new, he usually went to school like this in California, but he had thought this might be different. He had thought his dad would calm down a little now when they were away from the faggots. Of course, they weren’t actually away from them… Steve was right here, but his father could not find that out. If his father ever did find out, Billy could say goodbye to every person he had ever gotten to know and to life itself. 

  Billy stayed in his car most of the day. He skipped his last two classes and smoked not only one, but three packages. He knew he’d be out before he could get any money to buy new ones, but he was stressed and tired and that always meant more smoking.

  The few times he walked outside was lunch and his english literature classes. A guy he had never seen before passed him a note in the hall, asking if they could meet in the guy’s bathrooms an hour later. Billy didn’t want to go at first, but figured he couldn’t exactly say no. So he showed up. He waited just inside the door, drummed his fingers against his thigh to whatever song it was he had stuck on his mind. Just when Billy was about to leave, the guy came inside. He looked high and for a second Billy was sure the other had asked him here to sell him drugs, but before Billy could say anything, the guy pressed an open mouth kissed to Billy’s lips.

  “Wha-..”, Billy begun, but was cut off by another kiss. “Stop it!”

  The guy pulled back with a surprised face, leaned in slightly and grasped Billy’s earing with his lips.

  “What about this, kid?” the guy asked and Billy shrugged. Sure, it was there because he was gay, but honestly? He didn’t have the time for this in school bathrooms and especially not in Hawkins. 

  “I don’t usually get thrown against walls.” Billy muttered and tried to get away, but the guy’s body pressed to Billy’s own made it impossible to move properly.

  “Wanna go out with me?” the guy asked, lips brushed against Billy’s ear now. 

  Billy thought for a second, but soon nodded. It could be fun. They could get out of town for an hour or so and no one would know about it.

  “I’ll pick you up. Tomorrow night.” Billy said and finally pushed past the other. Somehow he just knew the guy would give him his address somehow and very much like Billy had imagined, there was a small note in his locker when he came out with an address. 

  Billy actually looked forward to it. It would feel like he was back in California again, it would be almost like before they moved to this shithole. They didn’t have to fuck or anything, just to keep his mind off Harrington and his dad.

  Max climbed into the car and let out a huff. She grimaced and rolled down a window, just as Billy leaned closer to roll it right back up again.

  “It stinks.” she muttered with her arms crossed, her skateboard between her legs.

  “I don’t give a shit. Why are you still spending time with Sinclair?” Billy asked, as he pulled back and started the car. He wanted to get home as soon as possible today.

  “I’m not.” Max lied. Billy could tell she lied, she looked exactly like her mother when she lied. They both had that tiny little frown that would give them away.

  “Look, you can’t spend time with him. I already told you that.” Billy pulled away from the parking lot and kept his eyes on the road as he spoke. “It’s not because he’s black. It’s because of dad.”

  “Shut your mouth.” Max snapped back and Billy couldn’t help but to roll his eyes. They passed the kids on their bicycles not long after that. Max watched them, but Billy tried to keep his eyes off them. Ever since he almost ran them over, he tried to not think too much about them. He felt bad about it, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He was an asshole, he wasn’t supposed to feel bad about anything. His father never felt bad about anything.

  “Try to listen”, Billy sighed after a while. “Don’t let Neil find out or he will kill you.” 


	6. Chapter six

 

“A date?” James asked and Billy glanced over his shoulder to make sure Max wasn’t around. Billy knew it was absolutely ridiculous, but the words made his lips tug up in a smile.

  “Yeah. Don’t even know his name.” Billy confessed, wrapped the telephone cord around his finger as he spoke.

  “You have to be careful”, James reminded him. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

  That James was so worried made it harder for Billy to be happy about the date, but it didn’t make it impossible. Billy would be as happy as he wanted about it. His father would never find out and if he ever did, he’d just tell him they were friends. Billy had made the mistake of kissing someone right outside his house before, he wasn’t about to do it again.

  “Don’t worry too much about it, alright?” Billy asked, as he unwrapped the cord. 

  “Sure. Make sure to fluff your hair real bad, it makes you look good.” James laughed, even though it didn’t sound like one of his real laughs. Billy didn’t want to ask about it. This could only be about the date, it didn’t have to be anything that bothered James.

  “Let me know how it goes.” James said and the line went quiet. Billy shook his head and let out a small laugh. Sure, he’d make his hair look as good as he could. It amused him, how James always knew what to say to make Billy feel better, even after the times that James was the one that had made him feel bad.

  The talk with James definitely made Billy feel better. He had felt alright already before the talk, but it always felt nice to have someone he knew tell him that he made the right choice. 

  As soon as Max had closed her bedroom door and Billy had trained, he stepped inside the shower. He doubted Max would disappear and he shouldn’t have to watch her every second his father and Susan was away. She was old enough to know that she shouldn’t leave. She didn’t realise she had to stay away from Lucas, but this was different. Even kids her age must realise you can’t just leave the house, right?

  At least Billy thought so. He was getting ready for his date when he heard Susan’s voice. He didn’t have time for her, nor did he really have time for his father, but his father scared him a lot more than Susan ever would. 

  He knew something was wrong as soon as he opened the door. His father looked more angry than worried, but Susan’s face was twisted with something that must have been anxiety.

  “What’s wrong?” Billy asked with a small shake to his head. The music he played calmed him down enough to act like a decent human being right now and not ramble all the rules in his head like he normally would in a situation like this. What rules, you might ask? The rules his father had set up for him when his mother died. The rules changed from time to time, but they usually didn’t change much. First rule? Keep it between the men in the house. Second? Look after Max. Third? Respect. There was a lot of them.

  “Why don’t you tell us?” Neil asked. Billy could hear the disappointment and everything that had annoyed and irritated him for the past week sparked into a flame. Billy was about to get angry and he knew it was a bad idea, but he was so fucking frustrated with everything. To keep himself in check, he dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands.

  “Because I don’t know.” Billy replied and had another look at Susan. She still looked anxious and it annoyed Billy almost as much as the disappointment in his father’s voice did. 

  “We can’t find Maxine.” Susan told him, as soon as Billy met her eyes. Billy still watched her when his father spoke.

  “And her window’s open.”

  Billy glanced away. Fuck.

  “Where is she?”

  “I don’t know”, Billy moved from one foot to the other.

  “You don’t know?”

  Billy wanted to scream and fight and get out of there, but instead he used all his force to keep digging his fingers into his palms. He swore he could hear the sound when the skin broke.

  “Look”, Billy glanced away again, moved on the spot. “I’m sure she just, I don’t know, went to the arcade or something. I’m sure she’s fine.”

  Billy was too uncomfortable to stand by the door much longer and moved to his wardrobe to get a jacket out. The only thing he had in mind was to get out. The date wasn’t forgotten, but it wasn’t his top priority, either.

  “You were supposed to watch her.” Neil reminded him, as if Billy could ever forget something he had heard as many times as he had heard his own name.

  “I know, dad. I was. But since you guys were three hours late and… well, I have a date”, Billy pulled his jacket on, the annoyance once again flaming up in his body. It spread like a wildfire and Billy doubted there was any way to stop it. He had to try. If he got out of the house he could calm down and come back a little later. “I’m sorry, okay?”

  Billy tried to turn himself off after that. He could hear everything Neil and Susan said, he could reply, but he was somewhere else. He didn’t know if that was something everyone did or if he was only being weird, but it was easier to imagine he was someone else in that moment. It was easier to pretend he watched the scene from afar. It didn’t hurt as much when he did. 

  It took half an hour before he finally found the Wheeler house. He had already talked to two other moms by then and the wait outside the door didn’t help. It wasn’t very cold, but the flaming wildfire left him angry. Mrs. Wheeler was, in a way, an easy target. He only had to act charming for ten minutes and then he would be back in his car. Not to mention that could always lie and tell everyone he hooked up with her if it ever came to it. Life was weird. It was more acceptable for him to hook up with a married woman, than a man? Great.

  Another twenty minutes later, Billy was on his way to the fourth house that evening. If Max wasn’t there, he might actually give up. He’d drive to some motel, pay for a room, and punch a wall until his knuckles bleed. He had done it once or twice before and it wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounded. 

  Before he could even knock on the door, Harrington came out. It was weird, but he honestly didn’t care. That idiot could babysit all he wanted, Billy only wanted Max back.

  The fight was nasty, but Billy was angry and he couldn’t help himself. Only when Max drugged him, did he allow himself to let go off it. He replied to whatever Max said and let himself duck under the drug as soon as she had gotten what he wanted.

  It was a lot worse when he woke up. His head hurt and his knuckles were still bleeding. It didn’t really seem to matter, because just when he rose, he heard a car pull away from the driveway. He hurried to the window and groaned as he saw someone leave with his car. His fucking car.

  He’d have to walk home, then. Great. So, he did. He walked. It took three hours and when he came back home, his father sat in the kitchen much like he had that night in California. He stepped inside and Susan came running, but Max was nowhere to be seen. His dad stayed in the kitchen, for some reason.

  “Where is she?” Susan asked, her voice high pitched.

  “She ran away.” Billy replied quietly. He didn’t know what else to say. She had drugged him and nearly smashed his balls, what the heck was he supposed to do?

  “She… ran away?”

  Billy could see the tears in Susan’s eyes before they spilled down her face. He felt bad for all of this, he still remembered how worried he had been when his mother didn’t come home, but this wasn’t his fault. Nothing about this was his fucking fault.

  “Yeah. With some of her friends.” Billy mumbled and tried to duck under Susan’s arms to get away from there. She let him, but his father had just stepped out of the kitchen. He looked furious and Billy already wanted to turn around and leave, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

  “Neil…” Susan sobbed, but before she could continue, Neil had grabbed Billy’s shoulder.

  “Where is she, Billy?” Neil asked. To someone who didn’t know him, this would probably not look so bad, but Billy knew that voice. He knew this would be bad. It always seemed to be bad, these days. Billy wondered if he had gotten worse or if his father had gotten angrier.

  “I don’t know.” Billy confessed and the hold on his shoulder tightened. Billy cleared his throat, as if he wanted to say something else, but decided against it.

  “Let’s talk.” Neil said and pushed Billy towards his bedroom. Susan didn’t say anything this time and Billy tried to shut off as soon as the door slammed behind his father.

 

Max came home early that morning. She looked tired, but she seemed to be alright. Billy, on the other hand, was not. His whole body hurt and he had more bruises than he had had for… years, probably. He even wondered if he possibly had any broken bones, especially his ribs. Billy tried to stay away, did his best to skip school and all that bullshit. He wasn’t about to go to school when he could barely raise his hands above his waist.

  “Hey, Susan would you mind driving Max to school?” Billy asked, glanced over his shoulder to have a look if his dad listened. At least the guy wasn’t in the kitchen. 

  Billy didn’t know exactly how it worked, but his dad seemed to hear every single thing in the goddamn house. Before Susan could even reply, Neil stuck his head inside.

  “Drop Max off at school.”

  Billy nodded. He didn’t want to fight any more right now. He got up to get dressed and left the kitchen before he could finish his breakfast. 


	7. Chapter Seven

The first day back in school after the fight with his father was better than he had imagined. Steve’s face was still bruised, but he looked a lot better than the last time Billy saw him. Billy did his best to avoid him and the guy that he had been supposed to take out for a date, but it seemed to go terrible. He ran into both of them so many times that day Billy lost count. As soon as he saw any of them, he turned around and went the other way or stepped inside a classroom, just to get away from them. It worked for a while, but at lunch, he couldn’t seem to avoid Steve. First, Steve sat in front of him, then Steve followed him to his locker and dragged him into a classroom.

  It hurt pretty badly, when Steve dragged him inside, but it definitely could have been worse.

  “Billy”, Steve began and for a second, it felt as if they were back in California again. “What happened? What’s up?”

  Billy shrugged and moved away a little, as Steve leaned against the desk. Billy glanced away from him, tried to find something to have a look at besides from him. He couldn’t, of course. He glanced back at Steve as soon as he could, took in Steve’s appearance. He wore a black shirt and a pair of blue jeans, nothing weird. He looked like he had every other day, but there was still something different about it. Billy supposed he just felt guilty about what had happened, but Billy could never seem to be able to sort out the guilty feelings he felt because of his father and the guilty feelings of what he had done.

  “Billy, talk to me. We… We were so close, in California…”

  Billy leaned against the desk right next to Steve and stared at the wall on the other side of the room. There was a bookshelf there and some posters, probably made by the students themselves.

  “When I get angry”, Billy confessed. “I can’t… I can’t control myself. It’s like I have this burst of emotions and I need to get them out. You were the first person around, I just had to…”

  Billy cut himself off. It was too weird to tell anyone that he had to punch things when he felt too much emotions all at once. 

  “It’s okay. I forgive you, but only because the kids almost crashed your car.” Steve laughed a little, but it still felt awkward. Billy didn’t know what to say and Steve, he probably did. Steve had always seemed to know what to say. Steve and James had that in common. They could have been brothers, James and Steve. They were similar, but still so very different.

  “I wouldn’t forgive me.” Billy mumbled, as he turned to have a look at Steve’s face. It was the first proper look he had had, since that night.

  It must be nearly a week ago now. Billy had lost count on the days, he didn’t know when he had been there to look for Max and he honestly wasn’t sure of what day it was today. He only knew he had to take Max to school.

  Billy turned away and was about to leave, when Steve carefully grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. Before Billy knew it, Steve had wrapped his arms around Billy’s bottom in a lose hug. It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as Billy had imagined, with all the bruises, but it still hurt.

  “Try to forgive yourself.” Steve whispered gently, as he pulled back from the hug. It felt weirdly friendly, compared to all the things they had done in California.

  “I’ll try.” Billy promised, as he relaxed back against the desk. That was the reason he was like this, wasn’t it? So that he wouldn’t have to think about the shit he did. If he always screwed up, he didn’t have to feel guilty about any of it.

  “You can talk to me, you know? You weren’t like this, back then.”

  Billy let out a small sigh and tried to stretch out.

  “Thanks. I’ll try to think about it.”

  Steve stood next to him again and they both stayed quiet for what must have been at least fifteen minutes. The silence wasn’t nearly as awkward as it had been before the little chat, but it still felt somewhat bothersome.

  “So…”, Steve broke the silence. “I heard you’re reading advanced math. Would you help me out?”

  Billy frowned and glanced over at the other, grimacing a little.

  “Who told you that?” he asked.

   “Max did. She knows I can’t handle math very well.” Steve sighed and Billy watched as the other rubbed the side of his face, almost as if only the thought made his head throb with pain.

  “You read advanced?” Billy asked, just to make sure what he was getting himself into, and Steve shook his head.

  “No, I can’t even understand the math I’m supposed to read.” Steve sighed again and Billy could tell the other had real troubles here.

  “You seriously want me to help you out? After the fight? Aren’t you scared I’ll bash your head in next time?”

  The thought was ridiculous, Billy had hurt the other and Steve still wanted his help. Like this, Billy knew he would feel all that guilt he tried so hard to forget.

  “Yeah. Thursdays after school? We could meet in the library. And if you want, we can have lunch together and try to study then, too.”

  Billy wouldn’t say no to that, not when he felt as if he really had to help the other out. It would be like that “sorry” he wouldn’t say out loud.

  “Fine.” Billy nodded and held out his hand for Steve to shake it. Maybe this would actually work out okay. Steve would he his first real friend in Hawkins if Billy didn’t fuck this up. He couldn’t fuck this up, he had liked Steve so much back then.

_ Stay away from him. You know what your dad said. _

__ The words popped up like that one annoying song that always stuck in your head. The words played over and over and Billy wondered if he should fuck this up, only because he knew he couldn’t be with the other right now. If ever, to be honest. He didn’t want it to be like this, but the stickers and the patches that he had hidden in his emergency backpack was the only thing that could give him away right now. If he had Steve around, there was so much more that could do that.

  The school bell rang and before Billy could say anything else, Steve had left the classroom. The door shut behind him just before the door opened again and a teacher came inside. She looked shocked when she saw Billy, but Billy only smiled to her. When he passed her on the way out, he muttered about how drug dealers never held their promises. 


	8. A/N

Author's note: Hey! Sorry for the irregular updates recently. I've been sick for the past two weeks, but have been given medicines and hope to feel better next week! Thank you for your patience! :) 


	9. Chapter 8

When Billy talked to Steve the next time, it honestly felt pretty good. It was still awkward between them, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been before their little talk. Billy did as he had promised and showed up to help Steve with the math and they spent more and more time together. Thanks to whatever contacts Steve had, they always had that one group room in the library where they were actually allowed to eat. It was perfect for their lunch breaks, even if they only saw each other for a few minutes every break. Steve learned surprisingly quickly and most of the time, he could move on with the problems he had and ask Billy about the things he didn’t understand when they saw each other.

  Their little friendship brought a lot of new things to the table. They played basketball when they were too fed up with studying and whenever Billy dropped Max off at Steve’s place, he’d come in for a bit and they’d talk for half an hour or so. Billy purposely came earlier then he should when he picked Max up, just so they could have another five minutes for themselves.

  For the first time since they came to Hawkins, Billy could actually imagine what it would be like if he managed the next year. Sure, he didn’t have a job and the bear thought of what would happen if his father ever found out scared the crap out of him, but he felt somewhat happy. He didn’t feel safe, but… the feeling of safety didn’t always have to be the main part of everything, right?

  Two weeks after their little talk, they both had the Friday afternoon off. They had decided to meet in the school library, just like they always did, but to stay there until someone threw them out. They had a lot work to do and Billy wanted to help the best he could.

  “Billy!” Steve greeted as he came inside the tiny room. He balanced his books and two food boxes in his hands and Billy wondered how the fuck Steve had even managed to open the door.

  “I brought lunch.” Steve smiled, when he let the books and the boxes on the table. They landed with a small thud and Billy pulled the books away from the food, just to make sure the stack didn’t fall over.

  “Thanks.” Billy said, as he pulled away a little from the textbook he had in front of him.

  “Chicken, right?” Steve asked and Billy nodded, as he watched Steve sit.

  “Yeah, thanks.” Billy said again, as he leaned closer to the table again, just to flip the textbook shut and push it away. He wasn’t too keen on studying as he ate, even though he liked the thought of learning.

  They ate in silence. Steve went through some notes he must have taken the same day and Billy studied him. His face looked better than it had before, but Billy could tell it was still painful by the way Steve didn’t grimace and tried to express everything with his hands rather than his face. The few wounds and bruises Billy had gotten didn’t hurt nearly as badly. His knuckles still looked like shit, but they usually did.

  “Thanks again.” Billy said, as he finished his meal. “It was really good.”

  “Sure, don’t worry about it. It’s the least I can do.” Steve said, as he leaned closer to have a look at the book Billy had been reading. Before Billy could say anything, Steve had pulled the book closer and flipped through it. It was obvious that Steve didn’t read, he only had a look at the pictures, but it was weirdly sweet.

  “That’s not anything I think you’ll have to deal with.” Billy promised and leaned closer to grab his book. He had borrowed it from the library last week, just to have something to read when he didn’t have anything better to do.

   “Do you usually read about… science?” Steve asked. Billy could tell the other hesitated and he couldn’t help but to smile. To add to whatever this was, he winked with his right eye.

  “Always.”

 

They played basketball after school that day, too. The gym hall was empty by now and it was only the two of them and their coach, but he had disappeared to the bathroom ten minutes ago. Billy suspected the guy had left to leave them alone, not to actually have a shit or anything.

  “You’re learning”, Billy laughed. “You look stiff, though…”

  Steve had planted his feet this time, at least Billy supposed to, but Steve was stiffer than Billy had ever seen him before.

  Steve pouted at him.

  “Mean.”

  Billy dribbled past Steve and only stopped when he had thrown the ball. He felt Steve’s fingers grasp his back and Billy turned around to have a look at him. Steve was taller than him. He had been already in California, but Billy could swear it hadn’t been this much of a difference.

  The thud when the ball landed on the floor made Billy forget California and Steve for a second and he moved back around. The ball bounced on the floor and soon rolled closer to them again.

  “Did you play a lot in California?” Steve asked, when Billy picked the ball up. Billy watched the ball rather than Steve as he nodded.

  “Yeah. It was different back then. We’d play outside, be fifteen guys that always played. We knew each other a little too well, but it was fun. We learned a lot from each other.” As soon as Billy noticed he rambled, he stopped talking. It was for the better if he shut up, it always was.

  “Wanna go for another round? I’m sure I could learn a trick or two from you.”

  When Billy had a look at the other, a wide grin spread over Steve’s face. Billy passed the ball to him.

  “Hit me with your best shot.”

 

It would take another two hours before they decided to part ways. Billy didn’t drive home until he was sure Steve had left the parking lot. He would regret a lot when he went to bed that evening. He’d regret that he didn’t go home earlier and that he hadn’t listened to James. He’d regret that he had ever met Steve, too.

  Billy unlocked the door to the house five minutes past six. It wasn’t late and Billy had already made sure that Max could get home without him (turned out she could skate home, after all). The first thing he noticed was the lack of dinner. Or actually, the smell of dinner. Whenever he was out like this, he would always come home to a set table. The second thing was that his door was open. He glanced inside as he toed his shoes off, only to see his father sit on the bed.

  His father held something. A something Billy had promised himself his father would never find, but it wasn’t the backpack that scared him the most. It was his father’s face. It was dark in the dim light of his room and Neil stared at Billy with a calmness Billy had never once seen before.

  “What’s going on?” Billy asked, even though the backpack told him exactly what was going on. Neil stood and Billy took a step back, the bag he had with him to school falling from his shoulder.

  “You’re a faggot.”

  Billy tried to listen after familiar sounds. He listened for Max’s bed or Susan’s footsteps. He listened for anything that would tell him that the other two were home, but the house was as quiet as a grave.

  “I’m not.” Billy protested, but took another step back. He could feel his own shoes under his feet, but that was the least of his problems, right now.

  “Then what is this?” Neil asked, as he threw the backpack on the floor between them. Not only did candy and clothes fall from the bag, but also the stickers and patches he hadn’t dared to throw away. James’ stickers and patches.

  “They’re not mine.” Billy tried, but he knew it wouldn’t work. A lie was not better than the truth, but it would give Billy enough time to prepare for the things that were to come.

  “Then why are they in your room?”

  Billy reached out for the door. It only took a second from then. Neil grabbed Billy’s shoulder and Billy ducked down to get away from him. In the same move, he grabbed the backpack and his shoes, kicked the door open and ran out. Maybe he could stay away for just long enough. If he came home as soon as Neil had calmed down and before Neil could think too much about it, Billy would have a slight chance to survive.

  Without a single trace of hesitation, Billy threw himself and the things he had with him in the car. Neil ran down the stairs from the house just as Billy turned on the car and backed away. Billy could see how his father’s mouth moved, but couldn’t make out what the other said over the spinning of the motor.


	10. Chapter nine

 

Billy drove around for an hour and a half before he realised he had to park the car somewhere. It was that point of the year when it was too cold to sleep in the car, but the snow hadn’t fallen yet. He couldn’t drive around Hawkins all night, either. It would get too expensive and he could barely pay gas as it was.

  He didn’t notice, until he parked the car, but he was right outside Steve’s place. He had been there before, of course. He glanced around to have a proper look and was surprised to see that the lights were on upstairs. It smelled a lot better around here than where they lived, but Billy tried to focus on who was awake. He didn’t want to wake any parents up, parents had never been his thing, but he honestly needed someplace to crash. If Steve wouldn’t let him, he might know someone who would.

  His knees trembled as he walked closer to the door. Fear of what might happen if he woke someone up made him tense up. He hoped to God that Steve would open.

  When Billy had stared at the door for what could have been half an hour, he decided he no longer wanted to stand in the cold night and let his knuckles brush against the wooden door. Better get it over with, he supposed. When he first knocked, the few sounds Billy could make out from the door stopped. A second passed, two… three…  four… five… Billy decided to knock again. This time, he could hear the quiet shuffling of feet running over the floor. Billy could still only see the wood in front of him.

  “Hello?” the voice came from inside and even though it sounded hoarser than in school, Billy knew it.

  “Steve?” Billy asked, through the door, and before Billy could continue, light met his eyes and made him jerk back in surprise.

  “What are you doing here?” Steve asked and pulled Billy inside by the shirt. It felt absurd, but here he was. Steve had a pair of sweatpants on, but no shirt. Billy had a quick look, before he met Steve’s eyes again.

  “I need somewhere to stay.” Billy confessed quietly. The door shut behind him and the warmth that surrounded him made Billy want to go right to sleep. He knew he couldn’t, he had to make sure he could really stay here.

  “What happened?” Steve asked. He had that undertone of worry that Billy never heard anymore. It was that undertone of worry that only his mother ever had shown him before and before Billy could stop himself, tears burned behind his eyelids. Steve must have thought it was something serious, because before Billy replied, Steve wrapped both arms around him and held Billy there until Billy pulled back. The embrace was warm and it felt honest, but the sudden touch made Billy slightly uncomfortable.

  “I was in a pretty bad fight.” Billy mumbled and quickly dried the few tears that had slipped his eyes from his face. Steve didn’t have to see him cry.

  “I’ll get you something to sleep in”, Steve promised and pulled the jacket from Billy’s shoulders. In any other situation he would have joked about it, but Billy felt both too tired and as if it really wasn’t the right time. Perhaps Steve would figure everything out if Billy did try to joke the seriousness of the situation away. “Come on inside.”

  Steve hung Billy’s jacket over a chair in the hallway, as Billy took his shoes off. He took another step inside the house. This felt wrong. It was wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be here, especially not now. Steve and Billy had just gotten to know each other, this was not the time to spend the night.

_ But _ , a voice in his head reminded him.  _ It’s better than a hospital bed.  _

  Of course, Billy knew it was true. He’d rather spend the rest of his life with Steve, if he didn’t have to go to the hospital with broken bones. Billy knew this was a small town and he also knew that people in small towns talked. Hell, that Byers kid had made it out of the local news and that was something. If Hopper found out about this, Billy wasn’t completely sure of what he would do.

  “What are you standing there for?”, Steve smiled at Billy. “Come on, let’s get you in bed. You must be freezing.”

  Billy followed Steve upstairs without another word. He didn’t know how to thank the other for all of this. He couldn’t find the words and the only thing Billy was sure Steve would actually want from him was money. Maybe sex. They’d done it before, after all.

  Fifteen minutes later they were both curled up in Steve’s bed. Billy had a pillow and a cover of his own, but Billy could still feel the heat from Steve’s body. It felt ridiculous, but Steve almost felt like that one teddy bear Billy would always curl up next to when he had a terrible night.

  “Are you going to tell me what really happened?” Steve asked. Billy glanced over his shoulder to have a look outside the window, but couldn’t see much for the nightstand lamp was on.

  “Don’t make me lie.” Billy replied gently and just as Billy was about to move from his side to his back, Steve moved slightly closer. Billy tensed up again and watched Steve with wide eyes. He felt like a deer in the headlights, but Steve’s soft smile made it impossible to be scared.

  “Night, Billy.” Steve pressed a quick peck to Billy’s lips. They were much like Billy remembered them; soft and warm against his own. The peck was over already before Billy could take any notice of anything else.

  Steve turned away from Billy this time and moved to lay on his other side. Billy did the same.

  “Night”, Billy finally whispered to the wall next to him. “Sleep well.”


	11. Chapter ten

Billy woke up by the sound of running water. At first, he was sure it was only raining and that he was home, but when Steve Harrington stepped out from what must have been a bathroom, he was almost certain he was back in California. Only when he saw the window and what was behind it, did his world become real. He wasn’t home, nor was he in California.

  “How did you sleep?” Steve asked. His upper body was bare and he dried his hair with a white, fluffy towel. Billy wasn’t sure if he wanted to reply to any of the things Steve ever said, the whole thing felt pretty awkward and.... Billy’s thoughts were cut of by the soft whining of the bed. Billy glanced up at Steve and realised the other had sat down. Billy jerked back when he saw Steve’s hand just an inch or so from Billy’s shoulder and Steve pulled back almost as if he had burned himself.

  “Sorry”, Billy muttered and rubbed his eyes. “It was alright. Your bed is comfy.”

  Steve laughed. Billy didn’t really know why. When Billy didn’t laugh, Steve stopped and met Billy’s eyes, almost as if he didn’t understand what was going on.

  “It wasn’t a joke?” Steve asked and Billy shook his head. Steve let out a huff and that was it. Steve stood again and left the room, mumbled something about how Billy could shower and borrow some clothes if he wanted to.

  Billy didn’t borrow any clothes, nor did he shower. He stayed in bed for another ten minutes, then he got up to fix his hair and soon pulled on his jeans and his shirt from the day before. He threw the pyjamas he had borrowed on Steve’s bed, before he walked downstairs.

  Steve was in the kitchen. He had put on a pair of gray sweatpants and a white shirt. Steve was slightly bent over the oven and Billy realised that the other made breakfast. It was a weird sight, Billy had never imagined Steve to be the type, but Billy couldn’t even begin to explain how much he appreciated the kind gesture.

  “Hope you like egg and bacon.” Steve said when he turned around, only to carelessly shove the food on plates. Billy, who felt awkward and in the way, took a step back.

  “I do.” he promised. Steve handed him the plates and Billy took them without a word. He watched Steve’s back as the other got cups and cutlery.

  “You know you can sit down?” Steve asked when he walked closer, carefully kicked a chair as if to pull it out for Billy. Billy sat.

  “Coffee or juice?”

  “Juice.”

  Steve laughed again. It was a weird sound, especially after last night, but it relaxed Billy to the point where he at least could lean back in the chair.

  They ate their breakfast in silence. It was better than most of the things Billy had ever managed, but Billy wasn’t sure if he should say anything. This had to be weird for Steve, too. They hadn’t spent the night together since California and it was almost as if that had never happened. Billy kept telling himself that it didn’t really matter, but it did. Billy didn’t know when he had been so happy with someone who wasn’t his mother.

  Steve was the one to break the silence. He had finished his breakfast, while Billy poked what was left of his egg with his fork.

  “Hey, I doubt the pool will make you impressed so… Wanna see the library?”

  Billy’s heart skipped a beat. The most beautiful library flashed before his eyes. Bookshelves covered the walls and even though the windows weren’t blocked, darkness fell in the room. It wasn’t smaller than Billy’s bedroom had been, yet there was a comfy, but well-worn chair and several pillows in the room. His mother would always sit in the chair and Billy would sit or lay on the pillows, as she read for him. He knew this wouldn’t be the same thing, but… he could always dream.

  “Earth to Billy”, Steve said in something Billy imagined was supposed to be a robot-voice. “Earth to Billy.”

  Billy snapped out of it and had a look at Steve, who smiled at him again. They left the dishes on the table and Steve lead Billy to library. The door was closed and for just a brief second, Billy thought it was locked. Before he had the time to ask, Steve pushed the door open and stepped inside. Before Billy dared to walk inside, he had a look from outside. The room was lighter than he had expected and there was almost as much art as there were books. Billy could also see a desk in the middle of the room, but before he could take in anything else, Steve gently pulled him inside.

  From inside, the room looked a lot different from what it had looked like from outside the room. There was still art, but the room was a lot bigger than Billy had thought and he realised there was actually more books than he had imagined. There was bookshelves and paintings, but also the desk and a small table in one of the corners. A record player was placed on the table and under it was two boxes of what must have been vinyl records.

  “We’ve got Beatles.” Steve said somewhere behind him. When Billy glanced over his shoulder, Steve sat in the chair by the desk with his feet on the desk. He held a magazine.

  “You wanna listen to the Beatles? That’s the shit you listen to with your girlfriend, not a guy you barely know.” Billy smiled. Steve stood and threw the magazine at the desk. It ruined the clean look in the room, but Billy didn’t say anything about it.

  “I know you.” Steve replied, as he reached out and took Billy’s hand. It felt… different from last time, but it didn’t feel wrong.

  “You’re an idiot if you think you know me.” Billy carefully pulled back and Steve nodded, as if to say he understood.

  “Oh, I need your love, baby.” Steve sing-sang, with a bright smile on his lips. Billy couldn’t help the tug at the corner of his lips, either.

  “Idiot.” Billy said again, but this time he was the one to reach out for Steve and pull the other slightly closer.

  “You dance?”

  “No.” Billy replied, but pressed Steve closer and carefully snuck his hands around Steve’s waist. Billy couldn’t help but to wonder if Steve had lost weight since last time. He felt thinner than this summer and now, when Billy was so close he could feel Steve’s breathe against his forehead, Billy could see the dark circles under his eyes and how the skin hugged his face just a tiny bit tighter.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Billy glanced up at Steve. Right now, it didn’t really matter that the other was slightly taller than Billy. Billy pulled back, dried the tears from his face. He hadn’t realised he had been crying until now and the tears against his cheeks were awfully familiar.

  “Guess you know it’s true”, Steve’s lips brushed against the top of Billy’s ear, even though they had an inch or two between their bodies now. “Hope you need my love, babe, just like I need you.”

  Billy cried. He sobbed like a baby, tried to press down the whines but barely managed to keep himself standing. Steve had wrapped his arms around Billy again and held him there, their chests pushed against each other’s. Billy laid his head to rest against Steve’s shoulder, as the other quietly sang the song. When he came to the end, he kept going with a new one and it was the safest Billy had felt since he left California. 


	12. Chapter eleven

“You do realise that’s Harrington’s car, right?”

  Billy snuck his head out of the glove box in Steve’s car and had a look at Carol. He couldn’t help but to think of Susan. You could almost think they were the same age, really, with the way Carol had her hair and makeup today. The colors of her makeup looked out of place and her clothes looked like something Billy’s mother could have used as a tablecloth.

  “I do”, Billy replied and pulled a package of cigarettes from the glove box and held it up for Carol to see. “I left my smokes here this morning.”

  Carol’s face twisted into a grimace. She looked more confused than angry, but Billy could tell she wouldn’t be pleased when she put two and two together. He lit one before he stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. He held the package out for Carol, but she shook her head.

  “You spend time with him?” Carol asked, at last, when they moved back towards the school. Tommy was probably in the cafeteria, but since they hadn’t had any classes together yet, he wasn’t sure. It was for the better if he didn’t ask Carol, either, since he was going straight to the library. He had already decided he could skip his last period, simply because he couldn’t be bothered to read To Kill A Mockingbird again. It was a good book, but he had already read it three or four times.

  “Some. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “You’re not coming with me?”

  Billy did his best not to sigh. She was so clingy sometimes, he couldn’t even be bothered to reply.

 

The library was always full with students by lunch, but somehow, Steve always managed to get “their” group room. Not only did he always manage to ge the same group room, he always brought the two of them lunch. Billy had decided not to ask about it, when the other had mumbled something about his parents. All these comments made Billy wonder if Steve had it worse than him. Absent parents couldn’t be easy, especially not for a guy that seemed to have everything else.

  Billy pushed the door open with his shoulder. He had managed to push the door handle down by his elbow somehow, since he had all his books with him.

  “Hey.” Billy could hear the smile in Steve’s voice already before he turned to him. Billy had gotten used to that smile and that laugh over the past few days. It was still weird how easy it had been for the two of them to fall right back into the habits of California. Steve would sit in the library with his homework and Billy would groan about how the music sucked and how they didn’t have the right liquor for this or that. Steve would ask if there was something he didn’t understand and Billy would do his best to help him. When they got too tired of the school work, they’d put on one of the The Beatles records and dance, even though none of them actually liked The Beatles. Billy would always go home right before dinner, so he wouldn’t upset his father or Susan, but other than that, they had almost all the time in the world.

  “Hey there, Nancy boy.” Billy gently slapped the back of Steve’s head and sat down next to him. The books landed on the table with a low thud and Billy leaned back in the chair.

  “Nancy boy?” Steve asked as he raised his eyebrows and Billy couldn’t help but to laugh. Sometimes he forgot just how closed off people in smaller towns were.

  “It’s… another word for queer.”

  Steve’s face darkened for only a second. It was almost as if someone had punched Billy right where it hurt. As if to not have to deal with it, Billy leaned closer to the books and pulled out the math book.

  “Nancy boy?” Steve asked again and leaned slightly closer to Billy. It was close enough for Billy to feel the other’s presence right by him. “Sure, flamer.”

  Billy could feel his cheeks heaten up. That had to mean Steve at least wasn’t angry or upset with him.

  “‘m not.” Billy turned to have a look at the other. Their faces were so close now that Billy doubted he would even have to lean in to kiss the other, but it wasn’t his place. They’d been away from each other for long enough to not do that shit anymore. Besides, Steve’s heart had been broken just a few weeks ago and Billy didn’t want to pressure the other into anything. Anything he ever wanted to have with Steve had to be healthy.

  “I know.” Steve whispered and slowly pulled back. Billy took that as an invite to turn to the books again. He couldn’t really focus on the words and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember what they had done last night. What they had worked on last night, he corrected himself. They hadn’t done anything, besides homework.

  They sat in the library until the librarian knocked on the door and kindly asked them to leave. Steve pushed a few dollars into her hand and thanked her, only to pack his things and walk away. Billy didn’t even have time to say goodbye to Steve. When Billy reached the parking lot, he saw as Steve pulled away with his car and drove away.

  “You coming or what?” Max called and Billy turned to have a look at her. Billy couldn’t see why she would have waited, but there she was. Billy realised she had probably grown taller since they got here.

  “Yeah.” Billy muttered. He got inside and threw his backpack to Max. Billy could tell she was about to say something, but she only placed the backpack on the floor and turned to have a look out the window.

  “Was that Steve?”

 

“Sweetcheeks.”

  Billy smiled and glanced over his shoulder. He heard the quiet music from his room and was sure it was Glory Days that played. He was sure it was Bruce Springsteen, anyway. He had put on Bruce Springsteen because he needed something that reminded him of home.

  “Hey.” Billy leaned against the counter. The kitchen still smelled of their dinner and no one had taken the dishes yet.

  “How’s the shithole?” James asked and Billy couldn’t help but to laugh. He supposed he could say he talked to his girlfriend if anyone asked.

  “It’s still a shithole”, Billy replied. “But, it’s… better.”

  Billy could hear the laugh in the phone and just as he was about to hang up, James spoke again.

  “It’s not the pride guy, is it?”

  “Yeah. It is.”

  He would have felt embarrassed, but he didn’t. It wasn’t like butterflies, either. It was something else. It was a warmth that spread through his body and for the first time, Billy realised what it was. Right now it didn’t matter, but it would bother the shit out of him as soon as he wasn’t high on the feeling of love.

  “Man, you’re in deep shit.”

  Billy laughed again. He heard James’ mother through the phone and quickly quieten down to see if he could hear what she said.

  “Gotta go.”

  James hung up. Billy did the same and just as he took a step back, the phone rang again. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure his father wasn’t around, as he picked it up again.

  “Hargrove household.”

  The line was quiet for what felt like a lifetime. Billy didn’t know if he should hang up or if he should ask something, but before he had decided, he heard a familiar voice.

  “I forgot to say goodbye.”


	13. Chapter twelve

“I think you did.” Billy agreed and leaned against the counter. He held the phone to his ear with one hand and placed the other one on the counter. He listened to the music from his bedroom and did his best to enjoy the conversation. The inside of his hands felt damp and his heart raced in his chest. It was a feeling he wasn’t used to, but it definitely wasn’t a bad one.

  “I wanted to ask if you maybe wanted to come over. Not right now, but… You know, when the kids are going to the Snow Ball. I’m taking Dustin and I thought I could come pick you up when I’ve dropped him off?”

  Billy listened to what Steve had to say and the smile on his lips shone brighter than the sun. If Max had seen him right then and there, she would probably have called him stupid. It would take much longer for her to realise that what Billy felt for Steve was true. She wouldn’t be surprised when she found out, but she wouldn’t be happy about it, either.

  “I’d love to.” Billy replied finally. He let out a breathe he had no idea he had held, but here he was. It sounded as if Steve let out a breathe as well.

  “That’s great. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  Billy smiled and nodded. As soon as he realised Steve couldn’t see him, he cleared his throat and let out a shaky “yeah.”

 

They sat in the middle of the room. Steve held a basketball in his hands and Billy had his legs on both sides of Steve’s body. Steve’s legs were crossed and he had pulled his shirt off when they had played for an hour or so. It had been almost two hours since they had met up and when Steve had tripped over Billy, they had decided to sit down and take a break.

  “Your turn. Tell me a secret, Nancy boy.”

  “Mmh…” Steve thought and threw the ball to Billy. He held it there for a second before he threw it back to Steve. “I know Spanish because my first baby sitter couldn’t speak any English.”

  Billy watched Steve for a second.

  “Tell me something.” 

  “No”, Steve said with an obvious accent. 

  Steve threw the ball back and Billy shrugged.

  “Not bad.”

  Steve had some water, just as Billy dried the sweat from his face with the shirt he had thrown right beside him.

  “My mom was pregnant when she passed.”

  The only thing to be heard in the room was the thud of the ball when it bounced against the floor.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she had passed.”

  Billy shrugged, almost as if it didn’t really matter. It mattered, of course it did, but Billy didn’t usually want to talk about it.

  “Want me to drive you home? I could come pick you up in the morning.”

  “Okay.” 


	14. Chapter thirteen

“I think he’s here, I have to hang up.” Billy said as he twirled the phone cord around his finger. James sighed lovingly in the phone and it sounded a lot as if the other was about to moan.

  “Bye, asshat.”

  Just when Billy hung up, he could hear the doorbell. He wouldn’t have to bother with any notes to his father or to Susan, they surely wouldn’t care if he left for a few hours. The two adults dropped of Max together and it had given Billy just enough time to make himself look presentable. He hurried to the door but took a second to make sure it didn’t look as if he had hurried, before he pushed the door open. Steve looked amazing in an effortless kind of way. The shirt he wore was one Billy had never seen before and Billy could tell the pants were just a little bit too tight, but it didn’t really matter. Not to Billy, anyway. He liked what he saw.

  “You coming, Mister?” Steve asked and held out an arm for Billy to grab. Instead, he threw his jacket over Steve’s arm and glanced around to make sure none of the neighbours had taken any interest in them.

  “Thank you.”

  Steve held the door open for Billy and this close to him, Billy could tell just how nice the other smelled. It wasn’t any of the cheap perfume that Tommy always used, anyway.

  “You know, I can open doors myself.” Billy smiled, as he climbed inside.

  “I doubt it. You can’t even carry your jacket.” Steve smiled, right before he closed the door and walked around the car. Billy lit a smoke as he waited for Steve to get ready and only when Steve had pulled out from the driveway did he give it to Steve. They could share, it wasn’t as if they hadn’t done it before.

  “I copied their mixtape.” Steve confessed and gave the tape to Billy. Sloppy letters told him this was the  _ Snow Ball tape 2, -84. _

__ “Charming.”

 

  The library felt much different than usual. Steve had lit candles on the desk and by the record player. The soft light lit up Steve’s face as he put on the mixtape and the room filled with soft music. It wasn’t the Beatles this time.

  “Don’t you think this is a bit too much?” Billy asked, as Steve walked closer to him. Steve shook his head and wrapped both arms around Billy’s neck, as he hummed the music. Something told Billy Steve had listened to the mixtape a few times before. Maybe Steve had wanted to make sure it was the right kind of music, Billy had no idea, but it was adorable.

  “I think this is perfect.” Steve whispered gently. Steve’s body against his own felt like always did, but it was different this time. All of it was different this time, because this was meant to be romantic. Everything else they did was always a playful kind of thing, somewhere in between friends and lovers.

  “Do you want to stay the night?” Steve asked gently and Steve’s fingertips brushed against the back of Billy’s neck. The touch made Billy shudder and his eyes slipped close.

  “I’d love to.”

  Billy and Steve swayed from side to side to the music. Billy relaxed into Steve’s touch and was almost sure he could melt. Billy kept his hands on Steve’s back. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries and this was intimate enough. Not to mention that he would stay the night. That was a pretty weird thing. Sure, he had stayed once before, but then he hadn’t had much of a choice.

  “Steve?” Billy whispered gently. He didn’t know what he wanted to say, but it didn’t really matter. When Steve looked at him, Billy was sure he could die happy. Billy carefully leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Steve’s lips. Billy had thought Steve would pull back or tense up, but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned closer to Billy. Billy felt the smile on Steve’s lips as the taller of the two finally pulled back.

  “Good one.”

 

When Billy woke up, the sun shone through Steve’s open window. The room was cold and Billy pulled the cover tighter around his body. He glanced towards the window again and to his surprise, Steve stood there with nothing but underwear on with a smoke in his hand. He let out a puff of smoke and turned around.

  “Good morning.” Steve said, as he sat down on the bed. Unlike Billy’s, it didn’t squeak.

  “Good morning.” Billy carefully sat up, but refused to let go off the off the cover. It gave him whatever little warmth was left in the bedroom.

  It would take almost another hour before they decided to get up and make breakfast. It was just past eleven when they did. They talked some, but mostly just sang along to the radio as they made breakfast.

  “Favorite brunch item?” Steve asked, when they sat by the kitchen table. His plate was filled with pancakes, berries and bacon. He had a cup of coffee, while Billy slowly sipped his juice like a child.

  “Strawberries. You?”

  Steve thought for  a while before he replied.

  “Coffee. Definitely coffee.”

  Billy laughed and shook his head. He still sipped his juice.

  “Coffee isn’t a brunch item.”

  “Neither is strawberries!”

  Billy laughed and leaned back in his chair. He felt somewhat safe here, felt as if he was in another dimension, where it was only him and Steve. He was fairly sure Steve wouldn’t hurt him like his father did. Steve talked somewhere in the background. Billy had lost track of reality and only watched the guy right in front of him. Most of the time Billy forgot just how beautiful Steve was. Even now, his hair fell to the side of his face with such grace Billy couldn’t help but be jealous. What finally snapped him back to reality was the sound of the phone. The sharp sound made Billy realise this wasn’t somewhere where he could be safe, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

  Steve had stopped talking. He stood the second the phone went off and hurried to pick it up. His smile fell from his face and Billy could see how he nervously glanced back at the table from time to time. He pulled the phone from his ear and waved for Billy to come closer. So he did. Steve mumbled something about how it was for him. Billy took the phone with his heart racing. It beat so fast it hurt and Billy was sure he would faint

  “Hello?” he asked into the phone, as he turned away from Steve. The second before the other person answered, there was a billion of different scenarios passing him by.

  “Family lunch. Now.”

  It was Max’s voice. She hissed the words, as if no one else in the house was allowed to hear her. 

  Billy had completely forgotten. It was a yearly thing. A week or so before Christmas, they’d sit down together and have lunch and tell each other what they wanted. Of course he had fucking missed it.

  Max hung up before Billy could say anything, so there he stood. With the phone in his hand as he tried to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do to survive.

 

Steve hugged him right before he left, as if Steve understood there was something going on. The car ride was almost worse than the dinner would be.

  He came home half past twelve. The lights were on in the house and it felt as if a stone rested on top of him. He was more worried than he could ever remember he had been.

  “Dad?” he asked, as he opened the door and walked inside. He still had both his shoes and his jacket on. Both Susan and his dad sat by the kitchen table, like they usually did when he came home like this. When there was something he had forgotten or when there was something his dad wanted to talk about.

  Neil stood. There was still some food on the stove and Billy could tell Susan had made a cake or cookies. It smelled a little like it always had when his dad cooked before his mom passed.

  “You’re late.” Neil said and Billy nodded. He definitely was.

  “I know. I’m sorry, dad. I forgot about the time and…” Billy trailed off. He figured it wouldn’t work.

  “You’re late. Again.” 

  Billy only nodded this time. He glanced down at his feet. He wore the same damn shoes he had worn for the past year or so. He’d have to get new ones for this winter, or he’d freeze his feet off.

  “I’m sorry.” Billy mumbled quietly. Susan still sat on the chair. She had turned away from the scene in front of her.

  “I think you have to stay home this Christmas”, Neil said. He was too calm for Billy’s liking. “You can’t go to California, like you wanted. You’ll have to stay here from the day school is over to the day school begins. Do you understand?”

  Billy’s heart had stopped. He could no longer breathe. This was the worst thing he had heard since Neil told him they were moving away.

  “Okay.” Billy whispered as a reply, at last. Neil nodded. And that was that. He was sure there would be a lot more family dinners from now on.


	15. Chapter fourteen

“We gotta cancel the christmas celebration.” Billy muttered quietly. Steve sat right next to him. Lunch had never been as uncomfortable as this, honestly. Steve didn’t say anything. He looked pretty tired, but they had had a pretty rough past few days. He hadn’t told Steve about what had happened and Steve obviously didn’t like it much.

  “Alright.”

  The silence was awful. They sat in the cafeteria for once, because they didn’t have anything they had to do before their Christmas break.

  Billy glanced up to have a look at Steve. The other didn’t look nearly as disappointed as Billy would have thought. Maybe Max had told him something, or maybe Steve had put two and two together. They hadn’t spoken at all since Billy was late to the family dinner and Steve had watched him with such intensity that Billy was scared Steve would figure it all out.

  “You won’t tell me why?” Steve asked, finally.

  Billy shrugged. He could tell Steve a lie, of course. Pretend that his father had changed his mind and that he wanted Billy to stay home. He could tell Steve they were going to California, but he doubted it would work. Max didn’t have to stay home much, after all. 

  “Dad… He… He wants me to stay home.” Billy shrugged and glanced away. Billy didn’t know when it had happened, but it stung with guilt whenever he lied to Steve.

  They remained quiet for the rest of the lunch break. Steve hugged him goodbye when they parted ways and murmured something that sounded like “merry christmas.” Billy only mumbled a reply.

 

The days until Christmas seemed to be the longest in his life. He stayed locked up in his bedroom and usually didn’t come out to eat more than once or twice a day. He only went to the bathroom when he really had to, which he could usually do when everyone in the house was asleep. He brushed his teeth with what was left of the emergency backpack and had a water bottle in his room that he refilled when he went to the bathroom. He had everything planned out, really.

  The morning of Christmas wasn’t as bad as he had thought it would be. Max woke him up and came inside with a small package. It was wrapped in red paper and she gave it to him.

  “I told them I didn’t need Santa. They’re still asleep, I thought we could make breakfast.” Max mumbled and slowly crawled up on Billy’s bed. He sat, reached for the shirt he had worn yesterday and pulled it on. Max gave him the present.

  “For me?” he asked and glanced up at her. He could see how her cheeks brightened, if only a shade or two. He leaned slightly closer and ruffled her hair, as he got up. He’d open her present in a moment, he just had to get her christmas gift, first. It was tucked away in his wardrobe and he pulled it out. It wasn’t as neatly wrapped as Max’s was, but it was alright.

  “Here you go, kid.”

  Max’s face shifted in a darker colour this time. Billy sat in front of her and watched her for a second.

  “We can open together if you want.” Billy held up the gift he had received from her. It wasn’t very heavy and Billy was sure it was a new record. He hadn’t gotten any records since they came to Hawkins.

  She nodded again. She ripped the paper, just like most kids her age. She let out a happy giggle. It was a Game & Watch Billy had found at the Radioshack and much to his surprise, it had been much cheaper than he had thought.

  He opened his own present, as he heard how Max tried to get the game to work. As he had suspected, it was a record.  _ Purple Rain _ .

  “Mom picked it. She told me you didn’t have it.”

  Billy smiled a little.

  “I don’t. Thanks, Max.”

  They listened to the record as they made breakfast. Billy could hear how Susan and his father spoke from their bedroom, but he supposed they didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

  Billy put everything on a tray and gave the tray to Max, who let go of her game and hurried to the adults bedroom. Max opened the door without knocking and for a brief second, Billy was sure Neil would get angry with her. Thankfully, he didn’t.

  Max sat the tray on the bed and crawled up with the adults, as Billy stood in the doorway. His father looked fairly calm and maybe, just maybe, the day would be alright.

  And it was. It was better than alright. His father behaved almost like he had before Billy’s mother had passed and for the first time in a long time, Billy forgot he had to follow the rules. He was still… scared, in a way, but when all of them curled up on the couch to watch a movie, it really felt as if they were a real family.

  Billy had gotten Susan and his father a bunch of books and he had snuck Max one of his old favorites, before he finally told them he wanted to go to sleep. He was exhausted, but full in a way he never was anymore. He had gotten to eat until he couldn’t eat more and he and his father had had smokes together outside when Susan and Max got ready for church. They hadn’t said anything, they had only stood there, Billy with his smoke between his lips and his hands tucked in his jacket, and his father with his smoke in his hand. When the door opened and Susan came outside, they had gotten inside the car and they had listened to a Christmas mixtape Susan and Max had put together last week.

  Billy had never liked church much (except for when his mother sang, of course), but even that was alright. Billy and Max talked rather than listened to the Priest and Billy only got a smack at the back of his head when his father was getting annoyed with them. When they came home they ate, then they opened the rest of the christmas gifts and watched one of the movies Max had gotten.

  Billy closed the door to his bedroom. He put his things down on his bed, just to take them in for a second. He scanned the candy he had gotten and suddenly he could feel a lump in his throat. He had to admit that he missed being a normal kid. He missed when he could eat the candy when he got it and not have to save it for when he was so hungry his whole body hurt.

  There was a soft knock on his door and Billy quickly dried the tears from his eyes. He cleared his throat and got up from where he sat on the floor and quickly opened the door. Susan stood there, with a small smile on her lips.

  “Sorry. I know you wanted to go to sleep, but there’s someone on the phone who wants to talk to you.”

  Billy nodded. He thanked Susan and snuck out to the kitchen. His father sat in the kitchen with Max. They both seemed to be drinking hot chocolate.

  “Do you want a cup?” Susan asked, as she came back inside. Billy shook his head.

  “No, thanks.”

  He picked up the phone and listened for something that could tell him who the caller was.

  “Hello?” Billy asked and glanced over at Susan, to make sure this wasn’t some goddamn joke. To his surprise, it was James.

  “Hey. Heard your family is in the kitchen and that you had went to bed. I just wanted to say… merry christmas, Billy.”

  Billy laughed softly. Only when he saw the look his father gave him did he stop. The day had been good so far. He wasn’t going to ruin it by making his almost drunk father angry with him.

  “Merry christmas, James.”

  James hung up and Billy did the same. He once again said goodnight to Susan and soon found himself in his bedroom. He pushed all his things onto a table for now. He could put them away in the morning, after all. Then, when he was curled up in bed, he pulled out the thing he had placed under his pillow the night before. He hadn’t wanted anyone to think it was a gift for today.

  Even though it was wrapped, Billy felt it with his fingers. It was meant for Steve. Billy didn’t know if he’d ever give it to Steve or not, but right now he allowed himself to hope so. 


	16. Chapter fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for the long wait! I've had a lot on my plate recently, but I think I'm able to post at least once a week again as of today! :)
> 
> This chapter is also very short because of that very reason. I thought I had finished it, but was wrong. I've gotten another few chapters written and only have ~ five more chapters to write. Please, enjoy!

They sat together in the library again. Steve had forgotten to bring lunch and they only had a bag of chips to share. They didn’t say much. Billy had his head in a book and Steve seemed to be tending to a cut he had gotten over his shoulder.

  Billy reached for another chips in the same second as Steve did and their fingertips touched. It was everything that had to happen. The time they had been away from each other (again) was blown away and Steve grabbed Billy’s hand before any of them could say anything.

  “How was christmas?” Billy asked, finally, and carefully pulled their hands under the table. That way no one would see, even if they stormed inside the small group room right then and there.

  “You know. They weren’t home.”

  Billy nodded. He understood. He pulled away for a second and dug through his backpack. He carefully pushed the christmas gift to Steve. Billy had promised himself he wasn’t going to give it to Steve, but he couldn’t help himself.

  “It’s a very late christmas gift. I haven’t been allowed to leave home.” Billy sighed and watched Steve’s face. It lit up.

  “Really?” 

  Billy nodded. Steve ripped the wrapping just like Max had done. The familiar cover of the record was soon visible and he could hear the small laugh from Steve.

  “Bruce Springsteen. Of course.” Steve leaned closer to Billy and Billy could feel Steve’s head against Billy’s own shoulder. It felt secure in a way Billy only ever felt with Steve.

  “Did James put you up to this?” Steve asked softly and Billy shook his head. Sure, James had thought it was a great idea when Billy told him, but Billy had gotten the record long before he told James about it.

  “Do you like it?” Billy asked. Steve slowly pulled away and Billy watched as the other nodded. Their hands were still tangled together.

  “I love it, Billy.”

  Billy smiled gently and pulled the record from Steve’s hands, carefully placing it on the table. He wasn’t sure if now was actually a good time, but he leaned in and pressed a peck to the corner of Steve’s lips. It was enough for him to turn away from Steve in embarrassment as soon as he pulled away.

  “Guess we better get going. I have a record to listen to.”


	17. Chapter sixteen

Billy knocked on the wooden door. He wondered if Steve would even be awake at this hour, but he figured he’d wake the other up if he wasn’t. It was almost noon, after all. But then again… Steve did have a habit of sleeping during the day.

  Billy had to knock another three times before the door opened. Steve had thrown clothes on in a hurry, Billy could tell.

  “Billy?” Steve asked, but his face lit up. The smile made Billy all warm inside and it was difficult not to lean in and hug the other.

  Billy watched as Steve glanced down on the bicycle right next to Billy. Billy had a basket with him, in which Susan had thrown a little bit of everything when Billy had told her he was taking a friend out on a picnic. She had looked so happy for him that Billy had felt a little embarrassed.

  “What’s this?” Steve laughed, but glanced over his shoulder and pulled on a jacket. Not only did he pull on a jacket, but he pulled on a pair of shoes and got his keys.

  “Is this… a date?” Steve asked, as he closed the door and locked it.

  “It is. We’re going to one of my favorite places. Get your bike.” Billy smiled.

 

They cycled together down one of the empty streets. It was amazing. It was weird how fast Billy had gotten used to the fact of Hawkins, even though he still missed California with all his heart.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Steve asked and Billy glanced over his shoulder to have another look at Steve. His hair wasn’t fixed for once and it looked like Steve had just thrown on a pyjamas shirt.

  “Not yet!” Billy laughed, as he watched Steve burst out laughing. For a second, Billy forgot they were in Hawkins. It felt so much like California.

  Billy waved to make sure the other understood they had to take a turn and soon Steve was so close to him their knees touched. Billy slowed down a bit to be able to be right next to Steve.

  They stopped when the road came to an end. Billy got off his bicycle and got the basket.

  “This is it?” Steve asked and glanced around. The trees made it almost impossible for the sunlight to reach them. It was damp and quiet in the forest.

  “No. We’re not there yet. C’mon, it’s only a five minute walk.” Billy reached out to take Steve’s hand. Billy had never met anyone out here and doubted he ever would. That they held hands wouldn’t matter, for as long as no one saw them.

  “Hiking?” Steve laughed softly, but took Billy’s hand. They walked in silence. The breaking branches and soft shuffle of their feet was the only thing that disturbed the peaceful feeling.

  “Here we are.” Billy smiled gently and glanced over at the other. Only Steve’s eyes were lit up by the dim light, as they scanned the place.

  They had reached a tiny opening in the forest. A fallen tree was placed neatly by a pond. The sun pushed through the trees just enough to make the pond glister. There was just enough sunlight for them to see each other and for the grass to grow.

  “It’s… it’s beautiful, Billy.”

  Billy slowly let go off Steve’s hand.

  “Susan made us lunch.” Billy whispered gently. He had always felt as if he couldn’t speak out loud whenever he was there. It had always felt like they weren’t supposed to be there. That it wasn’t for human eyes to see.

  They sat together by the pond. Steve hummed softly, carefully laying down on Billy’s lap. Billy held one of Steve’s hands and with the other, Billy played with Steve’s hair. An hour must have passed before they finally decided to eat.

  “Susan did these?” Steve asked, as he took another bite of the sandwich he held in his hands. Billy only nodded. Susan and his father was the thing he really didn’t want to talk about here. Only him and Steve, that was what mattered out here, but he couldn’t tell Steve that. Steve was not to know about the things that happened at home.

  Steve glanced around the glade again. He had glanced around a lot since they sat, only mumbling about how beautiful it was. Billy couldn’t help but to wonder if Steve had never been out here. It hadn’t been difficult to find and since, Billy would sneak out here whenever his father was in an awful mood, if only for a couple of hours.

  It was weird how different things were when they were together. Time passed in a different way when Billy was with Steve.

  Steve glanced up at Billy as if Steve had heard Billy’s thoughts. He knew it was impossible, but just when he thought that, Steve leaned closer. Steve sat on his knees and had his hands on Billy’s knees. Billy didn’t dare to move.

  “Steve…?” Billy asked quietly. He wanted to continue, but nothing he said would ever be enough. He would never be able to tell Steve all of the things he wanted to say, no words would ever explain how much Billy actually loved Steve. It was sudden and Billy knew it, but he had never felt such a thing as this overwhelming love before.

  “Yes…?” Steve whispered back, one hand carefully moving up against Billy’s thigh.

  “I love you.”

  Steve pressed his lips against Billy’s. Steve tasted much like he had in California. When it felt as if nothing had changed, Billy knew everything had.

  Billy pulled Steve closer and collapsed back against the blanket when Steve straddled Billy’s hips.

  Billy let out a muffled moan when Steve’s tongue brushed against Billy’s bottom lip. It was all too much for Billy to realise it was true.

  Steve pulled back a moment later. His eyes were closed and he breathed heavily against the side of Billy’s face.

  “I love you, too.” Steve whispered and Billy could feel the tears burn behind his eyelids. He pressed his eyes closed, as if to make sure he wouldn’t cry. It was difficult not to.

  “I know.”

  Steve laughed. It was enough to tell Billy Steve knew what he talked about.

  “Maybe it’s time to go home.” Steve mumbled softly. Billy nodded. They shared another kiss before they left. 


	18. Chapter seventeen

“We’re leaving now!”

  Billy glanced up from today’s paper and had a look at Susan. She stood in the doorway to the kitchen with a bright smile. She had pulled her hair up and had a skirt on. It was weird to see her in something so formal, even after the wedding.

  “Have fun.” Billy glanced back down at the paper again. He read the last article as he listened to the conversation in the hallway. Max must have come out of her room, because she obviously spoke to her mother.

  Billy folded the newspaper and slowly got up from the chair. He left the paper in the kitchen, as he figured Neil would want to read it when the other came back home. Billy snuck out of the kitchen and passed Susan and Max, who stood by the television. Max seemed to be watching something.

  “Have fun today.” Billy smiled lightly when he passed Susan and watched as his father came out from his and Susan’s bedroom. He wore the same suit he had worn on his and Susan’s wedding.

  “Billy?”

  Billy glanced up and had another look at his father. At least he didn’t look particularly angry.

  “We’ll be home late. Could you make Max something to eat tonight? Maybe the two of you could eat together.”

  Billy nodded. He knew for sure that they wouldn’t eat together, but it wasn’t as if the adults would ever find out. Unless it was beaten out of Billy, of course.

  “Thanks, son.”

 

Max still sat by the television when Billy decided to cook. They didn’t have much home, but he was sure he could manage something. Before Susan and Max, he had often been forced to figure out things on his own, after all. It took him ten minutes to decide on a pasta salad, with those three coloured pasta screws Susan always got. He also found some canned ham that he threw in the pot.

  “Max?” he called, as soon as he had finished. He threw some food on a plate for her and pulled out a CapriSun from the fridge. He figured Max could have Doritos or Fruit Roll Ups if she didn’t feel full after eating.

  Max came inside with something of a sour face. Billy could tell she was tired, her shoulders slumped forward and her eyes looked bloodshot from where he stood.

  “Dad asked me to make you something to eat. Here.” he held out the plate to her, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she crossed her arms and glanced down at the plate. Billy knew the food didn’t look all that good, but he was sure Max could eat it.

  “It looks disgusting.”

  Billy bit back an insult. This was not the time to get upset, no matter how much he wanted to throw her against a wall and punch the shit out of her. Steve wouldn’t talk to him if he did that, Billy was sure of it.

  “Try it. You can have all the candy you want afterwards.”

  The kitchen was silent for a minute, before Max slammed her hand against Billy’s. The plate fell to the floor and broke as soon as it hit. Food and shards flew all through the room.

  The sudden sound made Billy jerk back in fear and before he could stop himself, he had glanced around the room. When he was sure Max was the only one in there, he sunk to his knees and picked up the bigger shards with his hands. His heart beat so hard and so fast it hurt. He wasn’t sure if he could manage this right now.

  “W-Why would you… why would you do that?” Billy whispered to the floor. He watched as blood sipped from a cut on his left hand. He didn’t feel the cut at all, he was too focused on the shards and the food.

  “Why would you make me something to eat?!” Billy pulled up another shard as Max spoke. “You don’t care about me!”

  Billy bit his bottom lip. He was not going to fight Max. He wanted to keep Steve as a friend and he sure as hell wouldn’t let this bitch ruin things for him. All the things he felt made his head spin. It was a mixture of fear and anger and everything he never allowed himself to feel around his father. It bubbled in him as if it was just about to boil over.

  “You’re just… you’re just another queer! You’ve made Steve into one! It’s  _ your  _ fault he doesn’t spend as much time with us!”

  Billy tried to block it out. This wasn’t nearly as bad as things could get with his father, but if he could pretend as if it didn’t matter, maybe he’d forget about it.

  Billy slowly threw the food and the shards he had managed to pick up with his hands away and soon swept the floor with his hands. It wasn’t until he saw the blood on the floor that he realised it was a bad idea, he should have gotten something else the brush up the rest of the shards with.

  When Billy had turned around and threw away the things he had in his hands, he pulled a paper towel with him and carefully dried the blood on the floor. Billy knew you could tell someone had dropped a plate, but at least the blood and the shards were gone. The biggest give away was the trash.

  “You’re the reason Neil is always angry! You’re the reason he doesn’t treat me right! You’re the reason he doesn’t treat mom right!” Max screamed now. Every single word was like a blow to his stomach and his gut twisted until he could barely move. He put on some water and tried to wash some of the smaller shards from his hands. They were stuck in the wounds. The water stung.

  “I’ll tell Neil all about you and Steve! I’ll tell him all about the things you do when you’re alone!”

  Billy turned around with such speed that he felt slightly dizzy when he had a look at the girl that was supposed to be his younger sister. She had never been anything like a younger sister was supposed to be, except for annoying.

  “You…” Billy stepped closer and he could see the sudden fear in Max’s eyes. “If you tell him… If you as much as hint about it..”

  Billy grabbed Max’s shirt with one of his hands. He could hear her rapid breathing and her eyes darted from his face to his hand and then back.

  “If you tell him”, Billy groaned now. “I’ll fucking kill you.”


	19. Chapter eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm back! Thank you for your patience!

“Billy?”

  Billy turned from one side to the other. He wasn’t ready to get up from bed just yet, no matter what Susan said. Neil had left last night and it was just Billy and the gals, he could stay in bed for as long as he wanted.

  Susan knocked again and Billy could hear how she slowly opened the bedroom door. As if not to have to talk to her, Billy quickly closed his eyes.

  “Billy, it’s time to wake up. One of your friends are outside.”

  Billy felt the bed move under Susan’s weight as she sat down and she carefully shook his shoulders.

  “Billy?”

  “Mmh?” he asked, finally, and opened his eyes again. He glanced over at her and she smiled happily. She hadn’t put on any makeup yet and she smelled faintly of fried food.

  “One of your friends. Max is talking to him right now. I promised I’d wake you.”

  Billy slowly sat up and felt the blanket fall from his chest. It was certainly the least of his problems, but Susan’s face shifted in a green-ish colour when she glanced down at what must have been Billy’s upper body. She stood quickly, mumbled something and left the room. Billy, who still sat on the bed when she closed the door again, glanced down at his chest in confusion. It was only when he saw the purple bruise that he realised why she had left.

  Billy didn’t know if his dad ever touched Susan, but he knew for sure that she didn’t like it. He couldn’t forgive her for letting it happen, but… she could be a victim, too, right? They had probably been together for long enough.

  Billy got up from the bed and pulled a shirt on. He figured it was Tommy, they had talked about going out for a run or something in the future. Billy opened his bedroom door as he pulled his hair up in a bun (Susan had taught him), and walked towards the kitchen. He stopped for a second when he heard who it was.

  “Steve?” Billy snuck his head inside and had a look at him. Steve hadn’t changed much since last time they saw each other. His hair looked as flawless as always and he wore one of those crop tops. Billy didn’t understand the charm, but he certainly enjoyed the skin he could see.

  “Billy!” Steve stood the second Billy saw him and Billy glanced over his shoulder. He just had to make sure Steve really did mean him. “We’re going out. Football game?”

  Billy laughed softly. As if Steve had ever been interested in football. They both played basketball, but that was probably as much jock as any of them would ever be. Billy did assume this was supposed to be a date, though. They always had to come up with something, after all.

  “Alright. I’ll just take a shower.”

  Billy turned around and was just about to walk towards the bathroom, when he heard Steve.

  “Pack a bag, we’re staying over!”

 

Billy leaned back against the seat in the car and glanced over at Steve.

  “Football?” Billy asked. Steve’s face twisted into a grimace.

  “I had nothing else to say. I got us two tickets if anyone would want for us to show them.”

  Billy turned away. Steve didn’t even know about the stuff that happened at home, but he was still this… careful. Billy’s heart skipped a beat. Steve was just too much.

  “You didn’t have to.” Billy carefully reached out for Steve’s hand, even though the other was driving. Steve didn’t turn towards him, but took Billy’s hand. Billy could see the slight blush on his ears.

  “We’re actually going cliff diving.”

  Billy turned right back to Steve with a small frown. Steve really didn’t seem to be the guy that took those kind of risks, but maybe Billy was wrong.

  “Alright?”

  “Max says you love it. You’ll have to teach me.”

  Billy laughed. It was weird to know that Max had ever spoken about him, but Billy didn’t mind. For as long as he didn’t have to talk to her.

  “Alright. But only if you’re sure.”

 

Billy pulled his shirt off and turned around just quick enough to see Steve pull his bathing shorts on. Steve turned to him a second later and Billy watched as the smile turned into another grimace.

  “It’s rude to stare.”

  “Would you ask a kid not to have a look at the candy in the candy store?” Billy asked, jokingly, and just like he had this morning, he watched as Steve quickly turned away when he saw the bruise. For a second, Billy could see the slight resemblance between Susan and Steve.

  “What have you done?” Steve asked, but now stood with his back to Billy. Billy could see small scars on his back and couldn’t help but to wonder what had happened to him. 

  “I almost fell over while training.” Billy lied and walked closer. He stood a feet or two away from Steve and glanced out over the lake. It wasn’t the ocean, but it was enough.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Billy asked. They stood a few feet from the edge and while Billy felt the thrill of being alive, he knew most didn’t have to jump to their deaths to feel alive.

  “Yes.”

  Billy nodded. He hadn’t been taught how to do it. The closest he had ever come to being taught was when he took swimming classes when he was a kid. They had taught them how to jump from high heights, but they had never tried. That was for the teenagers only and Billy hadn’t been older than four (no, he didn’t remember much of it).

  “It’s probably gonna hurt”, Billy said truthfully and turned to Steve. He felt the heat from Steve’s body like this. “And the water will probably be too cold and you’ll want to stay in there, but you should probably swim for the shore first thing you do.”

  Billy watched as Steve nodded.

  “And make sure you hit the surface with your feet. We’re not risking any broken bones.”

  Steve’s face darkened for a second and before Billy could say anything else, Steve had jogged the few steps to the edge and jumped.

  For a second, Billy’s heart stopped. There was a billion of other things he had wanted to say to Steve, just to make sure the other wouldn’t get hurt, but it wasn’t as if he could scream them now. He hurried towards the edge and watched Steve from up there. Billy knew it wasn’t as high up as he had been back in California, but it certainly wasn’t low enough to be a first place. But then again, it was the lowest place they had found.

  Mere seconds later, Steve hit the surface. The seconds before Billy could see Steve’s head were pure torture. His heart beat so fast Billy was sure it would break his ribs.

  When Steve came back up from the water, Billy watched as his face lit up in a smile. He threw one hand up in the air and soon Billy watched as Steve swum towards the shore. When Steve was at a safe distance, Billy took a step back and jumped.

  It was one of those feelings you can’t really explain. Right before you hit the water, it really does feel as if you’re flying. You’re light as a feather and you see the world like you’ve never seen it before. You only have water in front of you. In the distance you can see trees and maybe another cliff. Everything seems to go slower for a few seconds. Your beating heart races and you breathe deeply. For just a few seconds, you can think of everything that matters.

  Billy’s feet hit the water. Toes first, of course. He exhaled in the water and kicked towards the surface. His heart was still racing. His lips tugged up in a smile when he finally saw Steve again. Steve was swimming closer to him.

  “That… that was  _ amazing _ !” Steve tugged at Billy’s hand and Billy wrapped both arms around Steve’s waist. He didn’t dare to pull Steve any closer, but it was more than alright.

  “You scared the shit out of me.” Billy breathed, as one of his hands gently hit the back of Steve’s head. “You could have gotten hurt.”

  When their eyes met it was as if his whole life was complete. The only thing that existed in that moment was him and Steve. Steve had moved closer and Billy could feel Steve’s chest brush against his own. The whole thing was so much more than he had ever thought it would be. Not even in California.

  Billy stopped for just a second and leaned slightly closer. He pressed his lips to Steve’s in a soft kiss.

  “I can’t believe I’m this lucky.” Billy whispered gently.

 

“I think… I think I love him.” Billy glanced over his shoulder. Steve balanced a tray of food and slowly walked towards his car. They had stopped at McDonald’s and it was just about to get dark.

  “Jesus fucking Christ, Billy”, Billy could hear a smack on the other side of the line. “Yeah, yeah, sorry mom..”

  Billy laughed softly and Steve suddenly looked up. Their eyes locked for a second, before Billy turned around to have a look at the phone in the phone boot. He had given Steve money for food and wasn’t sure for how long they’d be able to talk, but he had to talk to James. After all of this, he really did have to talk to James.

  “We went cliff jumping. I’ve… I love him so much.” Billy glanced over his shoulder to make sure Steve hadn’t heard. He had jumped up on the  hood of his car and swung his feet mindlessly. It was a strange sight, but it was absolutely adorable.

  “He just came back”, Billy announced, as he listened to James have a conversation with his mother. “I gotta go. Don’t let her kill you.”

  “Yeah, she says hi. She misses you as much as I do, sweetcheeks.”

  Billy hung up. He had thrown his jacket on when they left the cliffs and his hair was still wet. Steve had dried his hair as best as he could, but just like Billy’s hair, Steve’s stood out in weird places.

  “I didn’t know what you wanted…” Steve began, as Billy slowly pressed Steve’s knees apart. Billy stood right between his thighs and locked their lips together. It was a short, yet passionate kiss. It sent sparks flying, Billy was sure of it.

  When Steve pulled back, Steve smiled goofily and duck his head down. Billy sat right beside him, with nothing but the tray between them.The car was still running and the hood was warmer than Billy had expected.

  “What did Susan say?” Steve asked, as he reached out for one of the fries.

  “Nothing much. Just told me to be home by dinner tomorrow.”

  They ate in silence. It was a comfortable habit they had picked up. They usually didn’t say much when they sat together like this. Billy wasn’t sure of it, but he knew Steve’s parents weren’t home much. Steve must be used to eating alone. Besides, a conversation was not the most important thing in the world when they sat together like this. Nothing was more important to Billy then to sit right next to Steve like this.

  Even after they had eaten, they sat in silence. The stars were visible behind the clouds and the moon were already visible.

  “It’s beautiful.” Billy leaned back and laid down on the hood. “It’s amazing.”

  Steve laid down right next to him and Steve’s fingers brushed against Billy’s. Billy wasn’t nearly as comfortable with the hand holding here, where people could walk past and see them, but this was fine. This was more than alright.

  “Let’s go back to the hotel. It’s getting late.”

  Billy nodded. He sat again, mumbled about how he could take the brick and soon found himself right next to Steve in the car again.


	20. Chapter nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you by my iPad. Please excuse any autocorrect mistakes.

Billy laid in bed. Steve was in the shower, just like he normally was when Billy woke up. They had pushed their beds together last night and had been crawled up together when they fell asleep.

  Billy reached out for the remote and started the television. 

  “Grease is on!” Billy called to the closed bathroom door. He could hear Steve shuffle around in the bathroom, but wasn’t sure if Steve had heard him. Billy had seen Grease with his mother before she passed and it was one of his favorites.

  The bathroom door opened and Steve stepped outside. He had the same clothes on as last night, but his hair had been carefully fixed. It looked like it always did.

  “Really? It’s Grease?” Steve asked and sat right next to Billy. Steve let out a puff of air. He curled up next to Billy again, just like they had last night.

  “Wanna shower?” Steve asked, but didn’t move away from Billy. In a way, Billy felt more home here than he ever had at home. Then he ever had since his mother passed.

  “Yeah”, Billy nodded. “I just gotta hear Greased Lightning.”

 

“We should probably eat before we go home”, Steve said, as he glanced towards the clock behind the hotel counter. “It’s already past lunch.”

  “Sure. Grease Style?” Billy asked, teasingly. Steve laughed, as he took Billy’s backpack.

  Steve must have known what Billy meant, because twenty minutes later, Steve parked the car outside a diner they had driven past yesterday.

  Billy got out just before Steve did. A car passed him, but he didn’t think much of it.

  “We’re having hamburgers and cherry cokes”, Steve decided. “Milkshake, too, obviously.”

  Billy shook his head in an attempt to tell the other that they surely wouldn’t, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. Besides, there was nothing wrong with the stuff Steve wanted. He just didn’t want Steve to boss him around.

  Steve held the door open for him and Billy walked inside. It was cool in the room, just enough to have chills run down his spine, but it was nice to get away from the hotness outside. If they had had the time, it would have been nice to take a few hours to go to the beach today, too, but Billy had to be back before his father was.

  The thought of his father had Billy weak. He hadn’t forgotten about him yesterday nor today, but these past two days, his father had felt more like a nightmare than anything else. When Billy thought of his father right now, he was certain his father would have changed when he came back. Billy was sure it had all just been a few long, awful years. Neil wasn’t evil, he had just mourned Billy’s mother.

  The hope is the last thing that dies.

  “Two burgers, please”, Steve pulled his wallet out and searched for some money. “And cherry coke to that.”

  The waitress nodded and wrote on a notepad. It felt very much like California had. Billy hadn’t been out with anyone since California, after all. He hadn’t been out with people since… well, James. James had been his only friend, back home, too.

  Steve threw a few bucks on the counter and soon turned to Billy again. To see the money on the counter made Billy slightly uncomfortable, it made Billy so much more aware of the fact that Steve paid for everything.

  They sat together in the back of the diner. It was slowly filling up with people.

  “No hand holding in here, huh?” Steve asked quietly and Billy couldn’t help but to kick him under the table. He smiled and turned away from Steve just to see the waitress come. She left the food and the drinks and gave them a dirty look.

  “She fucking knows.” Billy muttered quietly, but Steve shook his head. Billy knew Steve was right, there was no chance she could know, but… Billy couldn’t help himself. There was so much that could go wrong.

  “Mmh”, Billy glanced up at Steve when he spoke. “God, this burger is good.”

  Billy had a bite of his burger .  Steve was, once again, right. The burger was really good.

  They ate in silence, just like last night. Steve hummed a little once in a while, as if to show Billy he had really liked the burger.

  Billy finished his food before Steve did. It was another habit Billy had picked up since his mother had died. In a house where he never knew when he was going to eat the next meal, you ate quickly.

  Steve laughed softly when Billy stole a few fries from Steve’s plate, but Steve didn’t seem to mind. To be honest, Steve pushed the plate closer to Billy when Steve had finished his burger. 

  “I’m full”, Steve said and chewed on the straw to his coke. “You can have the rest.”

  “Thanks.” Billy mumbled and tried to eat the fries slowly, but had finished the rest of them in a couple of minutes.

  “Thank you”, Billy mumbled quietly. “For this. This weekend have been… absolutely amazing.”

  Steve  glanced up at Billy and their eyes locked. Steve smiled and that smile was simply the only thing Billy ever wanted to see. It made Billy feel somewhat safe.

  “I just… I wanted you to come away from Hawkins. I know you don’t like it much.” Steve placed his hand on the table and Billy carefully snuck his hand in Steve’s. People wouldn’t see it from inside, but if anyone walked past the window that they sat by… Billy didn’t even want to think about it.

 They sat quietly for another few minutes, before Steve pulled back and slowly stood.

  “Let’s go. We have to leave now if you’re gonna have to be back before dinner.” Steve smiled and Billy nodded. He stood, had one last look at the food. 

 

“Summer loving”, Billy sang together with Steve. “Had me a blast!”

  Billy turned to have a look at Steve. Steve drove, of course. Just like Billy probably wouldn’t let anyone drive his car, Steve seemed to be the same.

  Steve must have noticed Billy watched him, because Steve turned to him and smiled. The music kept playing in the car and Steve hummed.

  The ride was absolutely perfect. They sang to the whole Grease album at least twice, before Steve parked his car right outside Billy’s place.

  The car was there. It meant his father had already come home. The happiness suddenly disappeared.

  Billy always felt scared, in one way or another. He knew his father could always come. He knew his father saw things Billy never thought he would see. Things about Billy that Neil was not supposed to see.

  “Guess that means I’m not going to the front door with you”, Steve reached out for Billy’s hand, but Billy quickly pulled away from him. “Right.”

  Billy opened the door and got outside. The longer Steve stayed this close to the house, the longer Billy had to figure out who the fuck Steve was.

  “Thanks”, Billy reached for his backpack. “I’ll see you in school.”

  Steve only nodded. As soon as Billy had closed the door, Steve drove off. Billy threw his backpack over one shoulder and walked closer to the door. He didn’t want to get inside just yet. Before Billy could figure out what to do, the door opened. Neil stood there. He was as frightening as he usually was.

  “Billy.”


	21. Chapter twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that this chapter contains graphic descriptions of physical abuse.

“Billy.”

  Billy’s heart stopped. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Billy didn’t have anything on him (besides dirty clothes), he would have left. He would have left. Would have taken his car to California. He’d find a job, leave Steve again and never come back. He’d screw his last year of High School and…

  “Billy, come on inside.”

  Billy stood still. He hadn’t moved since he closed the car door. His heart beat just fast and hard enough for Billy to hear nothing but his blood rushing through his body. His hands trembled and Billy was ready to run. He was ready to flee for his life.

  Instead, he walked inside. He walked right past his father. His father smelled of the beer they both drank. Other than that, the house smelled faintly of coffee and Billy could hear Susan in the kitchen. Billy wasn’t sure if Susan made food or if she just tried to make herself busy.

  “Susan told me you’ve been out with a friend.”

  Billy nodded. Neil closed the door behind both of them and Billy turned to face his father. It was better to face it. If he didn’t die now, he’d probably survive everything.

  “I have”, Billy nodded, but didn’t dare to glance up from the floor. “We went to a hockey game.”

  “Right”, Neil opened the door to Billy’s bedroom instead. “We’re going to talk.”

  It wasn’t as much talking as it was a beating. Billy sat down on the bed, as he waited for his father to come. What had been a good day had turned into a hell in just a matter of moments.

  “You won’t see your faggot friend again, do you understand?”

  Billy kept his eyes on the floor. A pair of socks were thrown right under the table where he had his speakers.

  “Dad…”, Billy began, but stopped. There was nothing he could say that would make this alright. Nothing Billy said would change what his father knew.

  “ _ Do you understand _ ?”

  Billy nodded. He was pulled up by the collar of his jacket and soon stood right in front of Neil, just inches apart. Billy felt Neil’s breathe against his skin. The smell was awful, even for Billy who drank a lot.

  “I understand.”

  Neil still held him by the collar. Billy doubted Neil would actually let go, but just when Billy was going to pull back, Neil threw him right back against the bed. Billy’s head must have hit the header. Not only did the pain surround him, but Billy also felt the wet, metallic taste of blood against his lips. The blood blurred his vision and when Billy tried to get up from the floor, he was grabbed again. Billy couldn’t make out what Neil was planning, but it didn’t feel good. Knuckles brushed against Billy’s face. Each punch was another struck of lightning. Now, blood wasn’t the only thing that blurred his vision. It was tears and sweat, as well.

   In that moment, Billy was sure that Max had told Neil about everything. His father couldn’t have made out this much from nothing but a look out the window. Not today. Billy was sure Neil hadn’t even seen Steve’s face.

  “Max”, Billy spat. Blood mixed with his spit. “Max has a black boyfriend.”

  The punches stopped. Billy used a trembling hand to dry the blood from his eyes.

  Neil was furious. His face was twisted in an angry grimace, with his brows furrowed and his lips pushed back enough to show Billy his teeth. Billy could see the blood on his father’s knuckles and on his father’s shirt. The sight was almost funny. Here Billy was, on the verge of death, and death was nothing like he had imagined. Death wasn’t a pale man with a scythe and a dark cape. Death was just… his father. Death was Neil Hargrove and it didn’t even surprise him.

  “What did you say?”

  Billy blinked. The only time his father asked him to repeat himself was when Billy had insulted him.

  “Max”, Billy mumbled quietly. Blood had begun sipping down his face again. “Her boyfriend…”

  “You’re lying.” Neil pulled Billy up in a sitting position.

  Billy slowly shook his head. It hurt too much to put any effort into it.

  Neil punched him again. Billy’s head flew back against the floor with such force Billy was sure he was out of it for a moment. It was more than enough to tell Billy that nothing he ever said would take him out of there alive if he stayed still.

  Billy tried to grab the table. His fingertips brushed against his speakers, but before he could grab them and damage his father, Neil stood. He pushed Billy’s hand right back to the floor and Billy let out a huff of pain. Neil leaned over him and Billy met his eyes for a second, as much as he could.

  “Dad”, Billy whispered. Tears spilled from his eyes. “Mom wouldn’t have wanted this.”

  A boot hit his side. By the crack and the sudden pain, Billy was sure that would be a broken rib. If not two. He struggled to breathe and did his best to crawl up in a ball. His thighs right up against his tummy and his arms wrapped around his head.

  “You’re a fucking faggot! No son of mine will ever be a fucking AIDS monkey!”

  Billy was sure his father stomped on him. White flashed before his eyes. The metallic taste on his lips was the least of his problems, but somehow that was the only thing he could think about. That and the cruciating pain. Billy had never been stabbed, but he was sure this was what it felt like when someone stabbed you repeatedly and twisted the knife.

  Somewhere in the distance, Billy could hear the door. He heard Max call something and for just a moment, the stomping and punching stopped. First, Billy thought it was over. This was it. He’d go to the school nurse and pretend something, tell her he didn’t need to see a doctor and get painkillers. That would be it, maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he wasn’t going to die.

  He had been wrong, of course. Once Max’s steps reached the kitchen, he was pulled from the floor. His father looked like a weak man, but he wasn’t. He threw Billy halfway through the room and when Billy hit the wardrobes, he couldn’t help the cry in pain.

  “Faggot”, his father stood right before him, but Billy couldn’t see him. The ringing and the pumping of blood seemed to be enough to shut everything else out, but somehow his father still managed to come through. Even now, Billy could hear his father. The Reaper, perhaps. “You can cry and scream all the fuck you want, but no one is coming to your rescue. Do you hear me?”

  Neil didn’t wait for a response. He had grabbed Billy’s shirt and slammed Billy back against the wardrobes again. With every word, he pushed Billy a tiny bit closer to the wardrobe.

  “I hope you die, you ugly son of a bitch.”

  One hand let go off his shirt. Another punch was coming, Billy knew it, but at this point… He had given up. There was nothing he could do or say to make it stop.

  “Your mother was nothing but a skank.”

  Then the punch came. And another one. And another one. And then the last one.

  Neil stood. Billy didn’t know how he could tell, with his face so swollen he could barely see or breathe, but he did. Then there were footsteps and a slammed door.He heard Neil call something, but he couldn’t make out what it was. The ringing hadn’t died out yet.

  He heard mumbling. Then the shower. Anything after that was a gray blur. Billy wasn’t sure of much else but the pain. It came and went, throbbing in his whole body as he tried to stay awake. It didn’t make him any good, but this way he could pretend he could prepare for when or if his father came back.

  Hours must have passed in that dim, gray blur. When something new finally happened, the blood on his face had dried and the pain was more of a feature now than something that wasn’t supposed to be there.

  His door slowly opened. It was the same old creek he had just gotten used to. He supposed he’s never really hear it again.

  A scream echoed through the building and it was the last thing Billy could recall when he sank into a complete darkness.


	22. Chapter twenty one

When Billy opened his eyes, all he could see was white. Before him was no fluffy clouds nor any angels, only a light.

  Only when he saw a blue hand did he realise he wasn’t dead. He wasn’t sure if it was a relief or not and he didn’t feel as if he had the energy to think about it.

  “I think he’s awake”, the voice came from right beside him. “William? William, can you hear me?”

  Billy turned towards the voice. His head throbbed, but he had to have a look at the voice.

  It was a paramedic, Billy realised.

  “He can hear me”, the paramedic announced. “William, we’re taking you to the hospital. Your mother is right here with you and your sister…”

  Billy closed his eyes again, trying to move away from the voice. She was too loud.

  “William, try to stay awake.”

  “‘s Billy.”

  Billy opened his eyes for just a second, before he closed them again. Once again he sank into a familiar darkness.


	23. Chapter twenty two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, enjoy. Be aware of that there will be mention of abuse and abuse towards children in this chapter. Thank you

The hospital was much like Billy had imagined. He was high most of the time and the food was shit. He was also all alone, which was… good. His father hadn’t visited him once since he got there.

  Billy wasn’t completely sure of how long he had been there. He had only gotten to eat twice, so he supposed it couldn’t be longer than a day. Maybe two.

  The first thing that had happened when he woke up at the hospital was the talk. The “this has happened” talk. Billy hadn’t had one of those talks since his mother had passed and he was not up for it.

  As it turned out, it wasn’t nearly as bad as Billy had thought. He had three broken ribs, a broken wrist and a fractured skull, but nothing that would kill him. Then there was all the bruises and the sprains, as well as the twelve stitches, of course. Sprains and bruises he could handle, though.

  There wasn’t much on his mind. He wanted to get to Max, that was what he knew. He had to kill her. He also had to kill his dad, that was for sure. This one wasn’t going to blow over anytime soon and prison didn’t seem so bad. Not when he knew he could get rid of the two people he hated the most.

  It took Billy less than four hours to come up with a plan. A nurse checked on him every two hours, just to make sure the skull fracture wasn’t something else or had his brain damaged. Billy wasn’t sure if the nurse actually had to check on him or if she just had the hots for him. It could have mattered, it would definitely be easier to sneak out if the bitch liked him. He didn’t need her help, though. He figured that out after he took a piss. You see, he was only two stores up and he his legs weren’t hurt. It would definitely be painful to jump, but it wasn’t enough to stop him.

  “Goodnight, William”, the nurse smiled from the door. She was an older lady with her hair pulled back in a bun and her clothes were just a tiny bit too tight. “Billy. I meant Billy.”

  Billy waved her off with his healthy hand. She turned the lights off, just as Billy turned the lights on on the bedside table. The room was dim and it could have been cozy, if he hadn’t been there in pain and if it hadn’t been for the hospital smell.

  Slowly, he pulled out the IV and reached for the clothes Susan had brought him. She had been there before he woke up, apparently. He got dressed fairly quickly. His ribs hurt like a motherfucker, but he had dealt with it before. It was probably the wrist that annoyed him the most.

   Unfortunately, he didn’t have a jacket. It looked cold outside, but at least there weren’t any snow. And summer nights aren’t as dark as winter nights, so that was pretty great, too.

  He locked the bathroom door behind him when he stepped inside. It would hopefully stall the staff for twenty minutes longer. You could do a lot in twenty minutes.

  It wasn’t very difficult to open the window. The security at this place was a fucking joke, there wasn’t even locks on the windows.

  Billy jumped. He landed on his  right foot and let out a groan in pain, but besides that and the very obvious pain in the rest of his body, he was better off than he had thought. He was pretty sure he hadn’t even pulled a muscle and that was some good shit.

 

No one was at their place. His father wasn’t there. No Susan and no Max, either. Guess that plan was fucked, then. If he couldn’t find Max, maybe he could find Sinclair and beat the shit out of him.

  Billy stopped to have a beer and glanced inside his bedroom. He could see dried blood on the sheets and dark spots on the floor. He supposed that was blood, as well. Not even halfway through his beer, he threw the can on his bed and slammed his bedroom door shut. He didn’t want to see it.

  He pulled on a pair of more comfortable shoes and then unlocked the door. He stepped outside just as a car drove past. The sight reminded him that it wasn’t as late as he thought. The clock in the kitchen had said ten past nine, but he doubted it was right.

  Billy got inside his car. It was the one thing he wouldn’t leave with the bunch of shits of a family he had. It had been there for long enough without him already.

 

When he reached the Sinclair house hold, Billy was wasted. He didn’t know what meds they had given him at the hospital, but since he had left home he had only had another beer and the world around him swayed. He probably shouldn’t be driving, but nothing really mattered when you knew you were gonna kill a kid.

  He managed to get out of the car. When he closed the door behind him, he crashed right back against the car for a second before he got his balance back.

  “Sinclair!” he called. He was pretty sure the head wound had begun bleeding again, but he walked towards the door as if nothing had happened. His father was not going to blow this for him. He was going to kill one of them. Max or Sinclair, it didn’t really fucking matter.

  The door opened. Billy met Lucas’ eyes for just a brief second, before his lips pulled up in a big grin. Finally someone to beat up.

  “Shit!” 

  Lucas slammed the door shut. Billy laughed. It was absurd, as if one closed door would ever stop him. Right now it didn’t matter what Max would do to him when he was done, the only thing that mattered was that this happened.

  Billy kicked the door in. Lucas was screaming something from another room, but Billy didn’t have the time to stop and think. That shithead could have called the police already and Billy was going to take every single minute he had to enjoy this.

  Lucas was in his bedroom. He stood in a corner with the phone in his hands. The window was open, but there was no way in hell Lucas was ever going to be able to sneak out. Not when Billy was in the same room, there just wasn’t enough time for that. Billy would be sure there wasn’t.

  “This time you’re dead”, Billy took another step closer. “You’re fucking dead.”

 


	24. Chaoter twenty three

“I demand he’s taken to prison!”

  Chief Jim Hopper had had an awful day. At the very least. Just when he thought his day was over, the Sinclair family had rushed inside. One look at Lucas was enough to tell him he would be there all night. No sleep for him, apparently. No food, either, since he was going to order in and eat together with Jane.

  “He’s not eighteen yet. He probably won’t be taken to a prison. Maybe some community service”, Hopper began. It wasn’t impossible to take that Hargrove kid to prison, or juvie at the very least, but it was easier if they didn’t have to take it to court.

  “He needs to be punished for what he did to my son.”

  Hopper stood. He had been at the Hargrove household last night. He had seen the kid before he was taken away and he had seen the father. The Hargrove kid had been in a pretty bad state. Hopper doubted he had left Hawkins or that he could.

  “I’m going to go find him. I’ll take him here and then we can talk about it. Okay? Take Lucas to the hospital and get him checked up. We’ll talk in the morning.”

 

“I fucked up”, Billy was back in the phone booth without the glass. He sat down this time. “I fucked up, James.”

  The other line was quiet. Billy picked at his knuckles and pressed a fingernail into the fresh cuts. He had only punched Lucas a couple of times before he realised what he had been doing and now he had been feeding coins to the phone for the past two hours. His hungover was already kicking in. His world swayed a little less than before, but the ringing from last night was right back in his ears.

  “Look, I’m packing. I’m coming. I’m gonna kill your old man, you can’t stop me.”

  Billy glanced up from his knuckles. A car had just stopped by the side of the road. Billy didn’t think much of it. That someone had taken a case of abuse to the police was something that didn’t happen. In his universe that was as likely as unicorns or aliens.

  Billy glanced down at his knuckles again. He picked at the drying blood and watched as fresh blood sipped down his fingers. He didn’t have much more to say to James than he had already, but it was nice to just have the other guy there.

  “I’m almost out of minutes again”, Billy sighed and searched for another coin. He was pretty sure he was out, but he didn’t want the conversation to be over just yet. “Think we’re gonna have to talk more later.”

  Billy glanced up when he was suddenly in darkness. Someone stood right in front of the light from the street lamps. Billy pushed himself up from the ground to stand.

  “I’m not some faggot, leave me alone.” Billy turned away from the man that stood in the doorway.

  “You okay there?” James asked and Billy nodded, even though the other couldn’t hear him.

  “Yeah”, Billy muttered and glanced over his shoulder. It took him a second to realise who it was. “I… I have to go.”

  Billy hung up before James could reply. The man smiled a little, even though it didn’t look very genuine.

  “You must be William Hargrove.”

  Billy turned to face the man, but glanced down at the ground. Police and his father, that stuff scared him.

  “It’s Billy.”

  Silence fell between the two men. The wind grabbed Billy’s hair and blurred Billy’s vision for a second. He quickly pushed it away from his face.

  “I suppose you know who I am.”

  Billy nodded. To make sure he wasn’t dreaming, he pushed his nails to his knuckles again. Pain shot from his hand up his arm. Definitely awake.

  “I’m Chief Hopper. I’m here to take you to the station. Have you eaten?”

  Billy shook his head and slowly held out his hands. Hopper frowned and shook his head, grabbed Billy by his broken wrist and held onto Billy in a way that almost felt tender. It was a very weird feeling.

   “I’ve been waiting for the call from the hospital. For how long have you been out?”

   Billy shrugged. His pain medication had probably left his system sometime during the fight, but the thrill had had him going. Now he felt as if he was ready to crash, but he doubted anyone would allow it.

  “Couple of hours”, Billy finally replied. “You gonna arrest me?”

  Hopper opened the car door and motioned for Billy to get inside. 

  “Let’s talk on the way.”

 

The drive to the closest diner was awkward. Billy didn’t say anything and Hopper only talked into his police radio. No music was playing and Billy tried to remember the order of the songs on the  _ Born in the USA _ record. Right then and there, it felt too damn difficult to think, but he tried anyway. He couldn’t even remember the words to the songs.

  Hopper parked the car and turned to Billy. Billy wasn’t sure what it meant, but it didn’t feel very good. Things like these were never good.

  “Look”, Hopper began. “What you did tonight is not okay. What you’ve done to Lucas Sinclair is not okay. I’ve talked to his parents and if you’re lucky, they won’t take it to court.”

  Billy glanced away. He thought the talk would be over with that, but it didn’t seem to be.

  “I know what your father has done. That’s not alright, either. It would make it easier for you to get a lesser sentence, but it does not excuse your actions. You could have killed a kid. A black kid, William.”

  “Billy.” Billy quickly filled in. He wasn’t going to have anyone call him William. Especially not someone who didn’t know shit about him.

“Billy”, Hopper agreed. “What your father believes doesn’t have to be what you believe. Sinclair is a good kid, that he’s black shouldn’t matter.”

  Billy didn’t have much to say about it.

  “Do you hate everyone else, too? Queers?”

  Billy jerked back at the word. In just seconds, his body language changed from not caring to someone who was prepared to fight.

  The way Hopper looked at him was a little too much, when Billy finally turned to the man.

  “Shit”, Hopper sighed. “I didn’t realise. Of course it’s you.”

  “M-me?” Billy asked quietly, but didn’t relax. If California hadn’t been very nice to him about this, then Hawkins surely wouldn’t be either.

  “Steve. You’re the one Steve keeps talking about, aren’t you?”

  Billy glanced over his shoulder and then out the window, just to make sure no one else was around. He doubted no one could hear them, but the thought was still frightening.

  “H-he talks about me?”

  Hopper nodded. He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached back.

  “I’m starving. What do you want?”

 

They reached the hospital past midnight. Billy didn’t understand why, but Hopper had taken him to the hospital rather than the station. Billy supposed it had to do with the head wound to do, because when Hopper asked if it still hurt, Billy hadn’t answered.

  They walked inside together. A nurse came running as soon as she noticed them. Her face was pale and the red lipstick reminded Billy much of Snow White.

  “I’ve been so worried! You snuck out when my shift began! Why would you do that?”

  Billy glanced over to Hopper, who stood with his hands in his pocket and nodded towards the nurse when Billy turned to him.

  “Uh… Sorry.”

  The nurse smiled gently at him and pushed herself up on her tiptoes to have a look at his head. Her face seemed to regain some of its colour.

  “We probably need to stitch this again. Come with me.”

  Billy thought that would be it. Hopper could leave now, he was sure Hopper would, but he didn’t. Instead, Hopper stayed with him when the nurse stitched. Hopper didn’t leave when they got back to the room, either. He sat by the bed with his hat thrown on a table and his jacket thrown over the chair where he sat.

  “They’ve locked the window. I’m gonna stay until you fall asleep, then I’m going to have to ask them to lock the door. Is that alright?”

  Billy glanced over Hopper’s shoulder. A locked door was never good in an abusive household, it didn’t matter that he knew his father wouldn’t be able to get inside.

  “I’ll stay all night if you want.” Hopper smiled when Billy glanced back at him. “I’ve seen kids like you before, Billy. You’ll be okay. You’ll be great.”

 

Hopper left when Billy was given his breakfast. If they always had a nurse around to make sure he didn’t leave, Hopper didn’t seem to have to lock the door, which was good. It was better that way, even though the window was locked.

  Time passed awfully slow. The television was on, but Billy didn’t pay any attention. Instead, he glanced out the window. It was weird to think what might come. He didn’t know what this really meant, he had never punched a kid before. No one this much younger than him, anyway.

  An hour before lunch, a nurse stuck his head inside the room. He smiled gently.

  “How’s the wound?”

  Billy only nodded, then turned back to the window again.

  “Your sister is here. She wanted to have lunch with you, I’ll bring you the food in half an hour.”

  Billy turned back to the door. Where the nurse had just been, Max stood. Her eyes burned with a fury Billy had only seen very few times before.

  He quickly got out from the bed, taking a step back from it to get away from her. He was afraid of her. Since that time when he beat up Steve, he could only see his father in her. He tried to avoid her, to be honest.

  “You…”, Max closed the door behind her. “You’re going to die.”

  Billy reached for the nightstand. He searched for something to throw at her, but there wasn’t even a vase.

  They both stood still for just a second, before Max rushed towards him. Billy could only take another few steps back, before he had his back against the wall. He watched as Max got up on the bed. Just when Max jumped from the bed, Billy ran towards the bathroom. He could always try to lock himself up. He could crush the window, he could get away from there before anything happened. That way Max might actually not get in trouble.

  “Billy!”

  Billy kept his eyes on Max, as he tried to get the bathroom door open. His head worked slower than it usually did, or at least it felt as if it did. He managed to open the door just as Max grabbed him by the collar, much like his father had.

  “I’m going to kill you!” Max was still screaming. “I’m going to make El kill you You’re going to fucking die, just you wait!”

  Max let go off him. Billy took a step back and tripped over his own feet. Right before he was sure he would collapse, he grabbed the door and landed on his butt rather than his back.

  “Dead.”

  Max slammed the door shut and left before Billy could say anything else.


	25. Chapter twenty four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, get ready. I can't wait to post everything so you're getting the last few chapters tonight. Enjoy, I suppose? :*

Steve sat on his hands. The room smelled faintly of the same smokes that Billy smoked and was dimmer than Steve would have thought.

  When Hopper had called, Steve was sure it had something to do with the Upside Down. That the kids were hurt and that Steve would have to save them all, but nothing like that came. Hopper only asked if he could come to the station. Now, he sat on a chair in front of Hopper’s desk and waited for the older man.

  “Steve, good”, a door closed and Hopper walked to sit down behind the desk. “We need to talk.”

  Steve’s heart skipped a beat. It was the Upside Down, after all. He drummed his fingers against his thigh and tried to remember if he had left the bat in his car. He knew it was there, but it still made him anxious. He needed the bat, it was a kind of safeness nothing else seemed to give him.

  “It’s about Billy. The Hargrove kid. I know you’ve been seeing him.”

  Steve glanced up from his thighs. He had never thought Hopper would even know who Billy was. Billy and his family were new in town and while Hopper had met Max, Steve was sure he had never met the rest of the family.

  “I don’t know what he’s told you, but he doesn’t have it very good at home.”

  Steve nodded. He had figured that much, by the way Billy talked about his father. He didn’t talk about Max anymore and that was good. That way Steve didn’t have to be in the middle of something he didn’t want to be a part of.

  “He’s in the hospital. His dad beat him pretty bad.”

  Steve met Hopper’s eyes. Hopper seemed genuinely upset. His face looked worn and Steve noticed things he never had before. Hopper looked much older than he had only a few years ago. The Upside Down hadn’t been easy on any of them, but Hopper and Mrs. Byers seemed to have taken a toll. And Will, of course. Poor kid…

  “Is he… Is he okay?”

  Hopper nodded. He handed Steve the police report and Steve slowly opened it. Even though there weren’t any pictures, he felt nauseous. The few words written were enough to have him want to go to the hospital. He really wanted to meet Billy and to make sure Billy was alright.

  “That’s not all, unfortunately.”

  Steve glanced up from the report. Hopper had aged years in only a few seconds.

  “He beat up that Sinclair kid. Lucas? I know you babysit them sometimes.”

  Steve didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t believe it. Billy had changed so much since they first met in Hawkins and he was sure Billy would never do one of the kids harm. Steve knew Billy didn’t like them, but this? It was… absurd.

  “Is it bad…?” Steve asked quietly. He closed the report and gave it back to Hopper, just as he leaned in to take the cigarette Hopper had just lit. Hopper looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t. Steve had a drag of the smoke and leaned back in his chair. He tried to figure it all out in his head. 

  Maybe he could pay for Billy’s hospital expenses. There was no way in hell Billy would be able to pay for it. Same with Lucas, if Lucas was in the hospital. Steve wondered if his father or his mother would notice if he took that amount of money.

  “It’s bad. They want to press charge.”

  The room went silent. Steve could hear the chattering from the other side of the door, but he couldn’t hear what anyone said. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to hear anything. Everyone were probably talking about what had happened, anyway.

  “Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?” Hopper asked, finally, as Steve gave the cigarette back. Steve only shook his head.

  “I think I need a moment before I go.”

  Hopper nodded.

  “You can talk to me if you want. A lot of people wouldn’t like what the two of you are doing, but I don’t judge. Okay?”

  This time Steve nodded.

  “Thank you.”


	26. Chapter twenty five

When Billy woke up, James sat right beside him. James looked much like he had when Billy left California, except for the chubbier cheeks and his shirts being a little tighter.

  “Morning, sweetcheeks.” James smiled at him and Billy couldn’t help but to smile back. James always knew how to make him feel better, after all.

  “Didn’t think you’d show.” Billy admitted quietly. James leaned over to take something from the floor and Billy watched him carefully. He trusted James with his life, but there had been so much going on lately that Billy couldn’t help but to feel a little worried.

  “I told you I’d come, didn’t I?” James straightened up and handed Billy a record. Billy sighed when he saw the cover.

  “Again?” Billy asked, as he carefully traced the name of the cover.  _ Born in the USA.  _

  “It’s my record. Open it, there’s another gift.”

  Billy slowly pulled the record from the case and stopped when he saw the white paper against the record. He turned to James, not sure how he should react.

  “You’re not serious.”

  “I am”, James smiled. “Chicago. August.”

  Billy shook his head. It was just too much to actually believe it.

  “There’s three tickets. I’m going, obviously. But I thought you could bring Steve.”

  Billy let out a small laugh. To think that James would have gotten them all three tickets for a Bruce Springsteen concert? Billy couldn’t even imagine what he would have done to get the money for it.

  “Thank you, James. Really, I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything.” James promised, as he reached closer and pulled the record back. He put it away, just as there was a knock on the door. It opened and a nurse came inside.

__  “Billy?” 

  Billy quickly turned to the door, his breath changing in a second. The sight made the fear that always lingered in his chest blossom up like a wildfire. If Susan was here, then both Max and Neil could be and Billy couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would mean.

  “You okay, buddy?” his friend asked and slowly moved away from the bed. Billy reached out for him, but stopped when he saw Susan was the only one by the door. She held a bag from one of the clothes stores Billy knew Susan had been to a lot before they moved from California.

  “May I come inside? I wanted to talk.” Susan said. She still stood in the doorway.

  “Be my guest.” Billy muttered, as he glanced out the window. James left without another word and closed the door behind him.

  Susan sat down on the plastic chair next to the bed. Billy didn’t dare to have another look at her, not right now. He needed to push down the fear and the panic and the thought of all the rules he had broken to get here.

  “I’m sorry. I should have done something before.”

  Billy stayed quiet. He didn’t know what to say, besides that he never wanted to see her again. Susan wasn’t his mother, Susan would never be her mother and fuck, everything she hadn’t done? Billy wanted to be angry with her, he wanted to scream and hit and kick and all of that bullshit, but he knew it wouldn’t change anything. She had helped him some, at least. Billy would never fully forgive her, but this was a start.

  “I brought your favourite. I know it’s not much, but I thought it might be enough to, you know… Cheer you up a bit.” Susan said, as she reached into her plastic bag to pull out a tupperware box and a bottle of something that looked like Coke.

  “I brought you some books, as well. I know you liked to read before all of this.”

  Billy slowly took the food and the coke, did his best to sit up. He leaned against the headboard of the bed and let out a pained huff.

  “Thanks…”, Billy mumbled to the food and glanced towards the books Susan held in her hands. “Could you… Could you read for me?”

  Susan nodded and opened the first page. Billy watched as she placed the book on the cover and began reading. When Billy was sure Susan wouldn’t hurt him, he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

  He was just about to sleep when Susan stopped reading. Billy could feel her lean closer and soon felt her fingertips against his forehead.

  “I haven’t been good to you”, she whispered. She must have thought Billy was asleep. “I’ve never been good enough for you or Max. I should have found a better husband, Billy. But I’m glad I met you.”

  Billy hummed a little. Susan pulled her hand away, almost as if she had burned herself.

  “It’s okay”, Billy mumbled. “I know he’s not nice to you, either.”

  The room was quiet for a moment, before Susan spoke again. She wasn’t as close this time, but Billy could still feel the heat from her body.

  “I want you to come live with us. Me and Max. If… If you want, of course.”

  Billy opened his eyes. He was too tired to actually think about this, but slowly nodded. The thought made him all warm inside, he had to admit that. The thought of someone wanting him… It was more than the hate he felt for them both.

  “I think I’d like that.” Billy watched as Susan sat down again and picked up the book. She began reading again, just as Billy closed his eyes and listened to her voice.


	27. Chapter twenty six

Susan had stayed for until Billy woke up again. She had told him she had to go, that Max had been alone at the hotel for too long, but that he could call if he wanted to. That he wasn’t going to be  a bother.

  She left the books with him. She had read him almost half of “How to kill a mockingbird” since she came around. To Billy’s surprise, she had brought him a few of his records, as well, even though he couldn’t play them. It was something of a relief to have them there, though, no matter how weird it sounded.

  He was brought lunch by twelve. The nurse that had been there when he returned with Hopper the other night ate with him. She was nicer than Billy had thought. They talked about their mutual love for music. Her eyes shone with love when she began talking about The Beatles, so Billy let her talk.

  They sat together for half an hour before she had a look at the clock. She had seemed so surprised to see that the time had passed and apologised and left just minutes later. And it left Billy all alone again.

  It was difficult being alone. He had always liked being alone, especially when he didn’t have anything to think about, but he had so much to think about these days that it was the only thing he ever did when he was alone. So much that he didn’t realise the door had opened and Steve had come inside.

  “Bill?”

  Billy snapped back to reality and glanced right at Steve. Steve looked tired and thinner than Billy had ever seen him.

  “Is it true?”

  Billy glanced away from Steve, as he listened to Steve’s footsteps. His shoes clicked softly against the floor as he walked.

  “Yeah.” Billy mumbled. He didn’t know what else to say, unfortunately.

  Unlike everyone else who had been there, Steve sat on the bed. He reached for one of Billy’s hands and Billy relaxed into the touch.

  “You beat up Lucas.” Steve stated. Billy still couldn’t look at the other. He couldn’t face the shame, he really couldn’t. He couldn’t explain what he had done, either. Steve had everything Billy hadn’t and Billy knew that Steve wouldn’t understand. People never really understood.

  “Hopper told me. About what your dad does.”

  Billy pulled his hand back and tried to get away from Steve. Steve wasn’t meant to know. He was never meant to know.

  “What?” Billy asked. It was suddenly difficult to breathe. Steve would surely think he was a pussy. Why the fuck would he be here? Why the fuck would Billy let his father beat the shit out of him? Why the fuck…-

   “Billy, look at me.” Steve reached for Billy’s hand again, but Steve didn’t touch him until Billy had given him an okay. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Billy shrugged.

   “I didn’t want you to know.” Billy glanced to have a look at his records.  _ Born in the USA _ was placed on the top. The concert tickets were still in the record.

  “You could have told me. I could have helped.” Steve whispered quietly.

  The room stayed quiet after that. A nurse came in to check on Billy and chatted with Steve.

  Only when the nurse left did they talk again.   
  “Why did you do it?”

  Billy looked away. There it came. The question he didn’t know how to answer.

  “It’s not really because he’s black”, Billy began, but quickly changed his mind. “Or, it is. But it’s not… I don’t… I don’t mind.”

  The look on Steve’s face couldn’t be anything but disgust, but Billy wasn’t sure how else he could ever explain this to someone who didn’t live with his father. With the constant fear of the man he had once trusted and loved. 

  “Dad… Dad thinks it’s wrong and… Fuck, I don’t like Max, but…”

  Steve stood. Billy didn’t know if he ever could tell the whole story. Not to Steve, anyway. Maybe to Hopper. Maybe some other time. But not here, not now.

  “What you did to Lucas was wrong, Billy. And I don’t think I can keep seeing you right now.”

  Billy’s heart dropped. He tried to pull the covers from his body, tried to get up from the bed as quickly as he could. He had to explain to Steve, he just had to. He couldn’t watch Steve go, not right now.

  “Max can’t get hurt”, Billy whispered quietly, as he almost tripped over his own feet. “She’s just a kid, she doesn’t… Fuck, she doesn’t deserve it.”

  Steve stopped. He glanced over his shoulder and Billy could see the tears stream down Steve’s cheeks.

  “You’re just making it up.” Steve whispered through gritted teeth. Billy could just barely hear the words.

  “Mama passed. Mama passed and dad turned to shit and… and Max doesn’t deserve that. Just like Susan doesn’t deserve it. And I’ve beaten the shit out of Lucas and I’m… Fuck, I’m just like dad and I promised myself I’d never become him, but I am him. I  _ am  _ him.”

  Steve stood quietly in the middle of the room as Billy went on his mini-rant. It was usually the stuff he only told James, but… Steve meant as much to him as James did and he couldn’t lose Steve. He couldn’t lose Steve and he couldn’t lose James. He just couldn’t lose them, not like he had lost his mother.

  “I… I have to think, Billy.” Steve whispered quietly. He took a step back, gently pressing his lips to Billy’s and then took a step back.

  “I need some space. I just… need to think.”

  Billy nodded. He couldn’t make Steve stay, he knew that much.

  “Okay.”

  Billy watched as Steve opened the door and walked outside. Even though Steve wasn’t his mother, it felt much like when his mother had passed.


	28. Chapter twenty seven

Billy had to stay at the hospital another three days. Hopper couldn’t hold off the Sinclair family much more than that, he said. And it was okay, the wait was the worst. It really was.

  Hopper’s office was actually pretty cozy. Billy didn’t know if it was Hopper or the setting, but he didn’t feel as exposed in the office as he had thought he would. He and Hopper sat together when the Sinclair family arrived. The secretary had led them inside the room just as Billy had lit a smoke Hopper had given him.

  Billy stood when the family came inside. It was the least he could do. He supposed so, anyway.

  Lucas looked better than he had the night when Billy left him in his bedroom. His right eye was swollen and Billy could see the purple-ish colour in the dim room. Other than that, Lucas’ lip was split and it seemed as if he couldn’t really stand properly without his mother’s help. Billy’s gut twisted and he felt a little lightheaded, but he stayed upright. He did have to hold onto Hopper’s desk at one point, not to fall over, but it was okay. He didn’t have it nearly as bad as Lucas.

  When Lucas mother came inside, her face twisted into a grimace. Her calm expression changed. In just a matter of seconds, she looked ready to attack and Billy understood her.

  “Good, you’re here.” Hopper said and Billy slowly sat down again. Hopper still sat, with a smoke in one hand and his other hand on the file on the desk.

  “Sit, we have to talk.”

  Hopper had a look at Lucas’ father. He looked a little less angry than the mother did, but not much. Billy could tell the other was looking him over, but Billy tried to ignore it. He wasn’t gonna get jumped, Billy was sure of it. Not when Hopper was here. 

  “He’s going to jail.” Mrs. Sinclair said, the second she sat down. 

  Billy only nodded. He was honestly okay with it, at this point.

  “Love, can we talk about this again…?” Mr Sinclair asked, quietly. Billy watched Mr. Sinclair reach out for his wife, but she pulled back.

  “He’s going to jail. This is racism at it’s finest, Chief, and we won’t tolerate it.”

  Billy glanced to have a look at Hopper. The man blinked slowly, almost as if his head couldn’t really process all that was going on. At least Billy knew what was going on.

  “I agree”, Billy finally sighed. “I don’t deserve anything else.”

  The room went quiet. Mrs. Sinclair looked shocked rather than pleased. She was the only one Billy decided to pay any attention to during the quiet moment.

  “We won’t change our minds because you think the same as us.” Mrs. Sinclair said, at last. Billy listened as Hopper stood and watched him walk to the other side of the room. He seemed to be looking for something.

  “Who did that to you, son?”

  Billy glanced up to have a look at Mr. Sinclair. He looked awfully pale, to be on the winning side. Billy slowly shrugged. He didn’t want all of Hawkins to know. Especially not the people at school, it would just be annoying.

  “His dad.”

  Billy turned to Lucas. He sat with his hands in his lap and watched Billy. Billy could tell the other was nervous, but the way he picked at the skin around his nails. Billy had done the same, when his father changed. He still did, when he waited for a proper beating to come. When he wasn’t sure if his father was going to hurt him or not.

  “Your dad?”

  Billy glanced away. Hopper still looked for something, or at least it seemed like it.   
  “Yeah”, Billy mumbled quietly. He pulled another smoke from Hopper’s package. “He changed when my mother passed.”

  Something changed in Mr. Sinclair’s face. Billy couldn’t tell what it was, but it didn’t really matter. He knew Mrs. Sinclair wouldn’t change her mind any time soon, if ever.   
  “Why does it matter?!”

  Billy lit the smoke and had a look at Lucas. He seemed pretty tired of the constant nagging and Billy understood him, but he didn’t want to say anything. He had ruined enough for this family already.

  “People can change, darling.” Mr. Sinclair took his wife’s hand this time and held it firmly. They seemed to have a conversation no one else was a part of, just by the way they looked at each other. Half a minute later, Mrs. Sinclair glanced away and had a look at Billy again. Her face had softened just a little bit.

  “When did your mother pass away?” she asked and Billy slowly shook his head. It was something he didn’t want to talk about, but he figured he’d have to. Hopper had stopped and watched him, now. He had a paper in his hands, but didn’t move. Billy didn’t know how he did it, but as soon as Hopper had stood, it felt as if it was a conversation between Billy and the Sinclair family. But a safe one. Billy actually felt safe.

  “It’s been years”, Billy smiled a little at the thought of her. “She used to read to me. And on the weekends, she’d take me to the beach.”

  Hopper smiled, as if to tell Billy to keep going and he did, even though it hurt to talk about.

  “She was pregnant when she passed. I was gonna have a sister today, if she hadn’t… If…”

  Billy fell silent. He couldn’t say it, even after all this time. 

  “Dad didn’t know, of course. It was our little secret, she said. We had a house by the beach. Have you ever been to California? It’s really nice, especially this time of the year and…”

  “Alright”, Hopper walked back to his place by the desk. He must have been able to tell that Billy didn’t want to say much more. “I really don’t want to take this to court. And you shouldn’t, either. It’ll be expensive as shit and we all know that it’ll favor the white kid in the room.”

  Mrs. Sinclair looked as if she was about to say something, but Hopper stopped her.

  “I don’t say it’s right. It’s not, but it will. He’s white. He beat up a black kid. It’s not gonna be in your favor, Mrs. Sinclair. So I’ve got a suggestion.”

  “No”, Mrs. Sinclair cut in. “He’s going to prison. I don’t care how sad his background is.”

  Billy nodded and threw the fag together with the ashes from his cigarette.

  “She’s right, Hopper.”

  Hopper sighed, but nodded again. He was about to stand again, when Lucas suddenly spoke. 

  “Why can’t I say what I want?” he asked. He didn’t pick at his fingers anymore, but looked rather confident.

  “You can.” Hopper promised. “Lucas, go.”

  Billy watched Lucas for a second, but turned away the second Lucas had a look at him.

  “I don’t want him to go to prison”, he mumbled. “He’s Max’s brother.”

  Billy was about to open his mouth to speak, but Hopper kicked him hard enough under the table to shut him up.

  “And she says she doesn’t like him, but she does. And Steve likes him. And… he’s actually not so bad.” Lucas continued. “But… but an apology would be nice.”

  Billy could feel the tears burn behind his eyelids. He turned away from the family, carefully rubbing both his eyes. He didn’t want to cry in front of all of them, he just couldn’t do that.

  “I’m sorry”, he whispered quietly, voice almost breaking. “I’m sorry.”

  The room went quiet again. Billy couldn’t see any of them in the eyes right now, and had crawled into himself as much as he could. He was sure he looked ridiculous, but that didn’t matter either. Lucas could tell his friends if he wanted to, Billy wouldn’t stay for long enough to be bothered by it. He sobbed quietly into his hands.

  “I still want him punished.” Mrs. Sinclair muttered under her breathe and Billy nodded again. Yeah. She was right, she really was, he had to be punished before he ended up hurting someone else.

  “I was gonna come to that”, Hopper placed the paper in front of the family. “Community service.”

  Mrs. Sinclair didn’t look all that happy about it, but she nodded.

  “Fine.”


	29. Chapter twenty eight

“I was wrong about you, Lucas”, Billy said, as he pushed his nails into his hands. It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as Billy had wished. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to accept my apology and you don’t have to try to understand, but… If you still want… and if she still wants it, you can be with Max. But be careful with her, okay? I can’t lose her.”

  Billy watched Lucas’ face. The smile that spread over his cheeks was enough to have Billy smiling. He carefully pushed Lucas’ shoulder, teasingly. Lucas turned away a second later, cheeks obviously burning pink.

  “It’s not much, but the money should cover most of your hospital bills and the 

camera, it’s for both you and Max. The whole Party, if you wish. To document.”

  Lucas turned right back to him. It was weird to have Lucas actually look at him again, since the station, but it wasn’t all that bad.

  “Really?”

  Billy nodded. He didn’t really know what else to say.

  “Yeah.” Billy glanced over his shoulder. Max came outside her bedroom and stopped when she saw Billy. He was sure he would drop dead if she came closer.

  “Here. Have fun tonight.” Billy muttered, as he passed the camera and the envelope to Lucas.

  “Thank you, Billy.”


	30. Chapter twenty nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for the last chapter? You better be.

“Happy birthday, Billy.”

  James sat on his bed. It was weird to have him this close. He had been there for the past three month, but Billy couldn’t get used to it. It was just nice knowing he had James around. Hawkins wasn’t nearly as bad when James was there.

  “Thanks.” Billy laughed softly as he sat up. The covers piled up next to him.

  “You don’t understand what I’ve done for this.” James sighed softly and laid down right next to where Billy just had been, as Billy was handed the envelope he held in his hands.

  “I’m paying everything. Obviously.” James said, before Billy had a chance to open and see what it was.

  Billy slowly pulled out two tickets. For a second he thought it was the same tickets James had given him that day at the hospital, but it clearly wasn’t. Billy let out a muffled sound.

  “No.” 

  “Yes.” Billy could hear the smile in James’ voice.

  “Holy shit.” Billy turned to have a look at James and the other had a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

  “Queen, Bowie, Elton John, Bob Dylan…” James sighed and Billy laid down right next to the other again.

  “Live Aid.” Billy held up the tickets to have a look at them when the sun shone right through the paper.

  “The concert in London.” James propped himself up on one elbow and watched Billy, and Billy couldn’t help but to glance away.

  Billy and James stayed like that for a second, before James got up from the bed.

  “Susan called. She says you can stay tonight as well, if you want. It’s your eighteenth birthday, after all.”

  Billy rolled his eyes, but sat up again. He had one last look at the tickets, before he put them away and got up from the bed. He pulled on the same sweats that he had worn the night before and followed James out of his bedroom.

  “I live here, you know?” Billy asked, as he sat down by the kitchen island. The kitchen was the nicest place in the flat. It had been renovated just before James and Billy moved in.

   “I know, sweetcheeks. She called to tell you happy birthday. She wants you to call her back.”

   “Thank you. For the tickets.” Billy whispered quietly. He didn’t dare to ask, but he couldn’t help but to wonder what James did to get all the money he had. He doubted it was Steve who paid him, anyway.

  “Well, I’m going, too, so it’s not just for you.” James placed a plate of scrambled eggs right in front of Billy and then a plate next to him. James sat down and threw all the bacon on Billy’s plate.

  “Max and Lucas are coming a little earlier.” James said, with his mouth already stuffed with food.

  “Great.” Billy nodded and he really tried not to sound sarcastic, but they were only invited because Steve had asked him to ask them.

  “Max wanted to talk.”

 

Billy had his feet thrown on the table in front of the couch. Bruce Springsteen was playing from the other room.

   “Turn that shit off!” Billy called to James, even though he wasn’t serious. He really did enjoy living with James, it was never quiet and he didn’t have to worry about his old man anymore.

  Billy turned up the volume on the television to not have to listen to James’ answer, just as the doorbell rang. Billy slowly got up from the couch, as if to take as long as he could before he had to see Lucas. He hadn’t seen Lucas nor Max since a few days after he got out of the hospital.

  When he reached the door, the bell had already rung another two times and he pushed the door open as soon as he could. Better get it over and done with, then.

  “Hey”, he said and let the kids come inside. “Nice to, uh, see you two again.”

  Max stopped right in front of him. She looked so much more like a woman than she had when he last saw her. Lucas had grown taller and Billy could see the hint of facial hair on his upper lip.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been a shit, but so have you.” Max muttered. He could tell she only did this because either Steve or Lucas had asked her to.

  “It’s alright”, Billy promised. He reached out to hug her, but didn’t touch her until he was sure she’d be okay with it. “I’m sorry, too, sis.”

  When Max pulled away, Billy could see that her eyes shone just a little brighter than they usually did and she quickly dried the corner of her eyes.

  “You’ve been a shit brother.” she sobbed.

  “You’ve been a shit sister.” he whispered quietly, as he reached out and gently dried the tear that suddenly spilled from her eye.

  “Hey… if… if you two want, I’d really like for you to come to my graduation.” Billy smiled a little. Only a few months ago, he had thought he would be all alone. He knew he wouldn’t, now. Susan had promised to come and even though James hadn’t said anything, Billy knew he’d show.

  “Thank you. We’re coming.” Lucas decided and Billy had a look at Max, who slowly nodded.

 

Steve and the other kids came twenty minutes later. By that time, James had pulled a deck of cards out and they played together. It wasn’t all that bad and it really felt as if Max was warming up to him, even after the twenty minutes.

  James went to open the door and Billy listened to Steve’s shocked expression when he saw James. They chatted for a few minutes, as the kids came inside. Jane shyly placed a box on the table.

  “Happy birthday, Billy.” she carefully placed her hands behind her back and moved from one foot to the other.

  “We’ve saved up”, Steve smiled as he came inside the kitchen. “The cake was Jane’s idea.”

  “Happy birthday.” Steve leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Billy’s cheek. The touch of Steve’s lips against his cheek almost burned him. That’s how romantic it felt.

  “Hopper is on his way. We have to wait for him.” James said and sat right back down where he had sat a minute earlier. The kids sat down as well, chatting with each other and wishing Billy a happy birthday. Steve and James went to get plates and spoons for the cake.

  “Hopper’s coming?” Billy asked and turned to James, as if James knew the most about this.   
  “Yeah. You’ll get the gift when he gets here.” Steve replied. Steve had a look at him and smiled the second he noticed Billy was watching him.

  “I already gave him the Live Aid tickets.” James announced and Steve nodded. They seemed to have talked before this, but by the chat in the kitchen, Billy doubted they had seen each other.

  Will sat right next to Billy and he glanced around the kitchen.

  “Will, right?” Billy asked and Will turned to him. He nodded.

  “Yeah.” Will nodded.

  “I’ve heard you and your brother listen to some great music.” Billy began and he watched as Will’s face lit up. “Wanna come have a look at my collection?”

  Will nodded and was off the chair already before Billy was. He glanced over to Steve, as he lead Will to the living room.

  They put on a Bowie record and Will went through the records. When Will saw an Elton John record, he stopped.

  “You and Steve, are you… together?” Will asked and Billy met his eyes. Billy slowly shook his head.

  “Not right now”, Billy said truthfully. “We used to be. And I hope we will be again.”

  Will nodded, as he had a look at the next record.

  “I think… I think, maybe… maybe I’m like that, too.”

  Billy couldn’t help but to smile. Even though there were a few years between the two of them, Billy could see himself in Will in a way. Especially the “fag vibe”.

  “They troubling you at school, aren’t they?”

  Will nodded.

  “I know I don’t have a lot of time left, but… just let me know, yeah? ‘cause I used to have it hard, too.”

  Will glanced up from the records and Billy smiled at him again. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was knowing Will might grow up to be him.

  “What about your parents?” Billy asked softly. The music had stopped, but neither of them noticed. The chatter from the kitchen was still loud enough for no one else to hear them.

  “Mom’s really nice about it.” Will replied. “I don’t know about dad, he doesn’t… he lives somewhere else.”

  Billy nodded. Not growing up like him, then.

  “Good, kid. If things change, you can talk to me.”

 

Hopper was half an hour late. He still had his uniform on and he looked pretty tired.

  “Hey, kids. Billy, Steve.” Hopper greeted when he came inside. Billy and Will got up from the floor and left the music on. The records were scattered around on the floor, but they left that on the floor as well.

  “Happy birthday.” Hopper hugged Billy when Billy came close enough. Billy let out a small huff, since his ribs still hurt, but hugged the other back. Hopper had really been more of a father to him these past few months than his father had since his mother passed.

  “Thanks”, Billy whispered. “I appreciate it.”

  They went back to the kitchen. James had already had some of the cake and he could hear that Steve muttered about how Billy should have had the first piece.

  “Cake”, Hopper sighed. “Really? When I’m on a diet?”

  Billy laughed softly. Will sat next to him again and Hopper sat next to him on the other side.

  They all had some cake (James had another piece) and only when they all sat down, did Hopper talk again.

  “So… I assume James have given you the tickets.” he said and Billy slowly nodded. He wasn’t sure if he liked the the idea or not.

  “Yeah…?”

  “Well”, Hopper began. “We’re coming. All of us. If you want to. Jonathan, Mrs. Byers and Nancy, too, even though you don’t know them very well. We looked for every penny.”

  Billy glanced around at the kids in front of him. He didn’t know what to say. It felt unreal. Live Aid was something he thought wouldn’t happen.

  Max cracked a smile.

  “Happy birthday, brother.” she said and Steve turned to have a look at her. That seemed to be another shock for him tonight, then.

  “I…”, Billy had a look at every single one of them in the room. “No… really..?”

  “Really”, James nodded. “Really, really.”

  Billy could suddenly feel a lump in his throat and the burning in his eyes. He had no what to say.

  “Thank you.” he whispered. “Thank you so much.”

  It was quiet for another second, before Steve leaned in to have another slice of cake.

  “I promise, it’s not cheating if you were to get together with Freddie Mercury.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this is massive to me. I've never finished any multi-chapter projects I've made and suddenly!! Here I am. It's not a novel, per say, as they are usually more than 50,000 words, but!!! It's still so, so cool to be here. Thank you so much if you've come all the way here! It means so much to me, I have to say.
> 
> I can't promise anything, but I do have ideas for another fic within the same universe as this one. So!! If you liked this one, there might be another one just like it sooner than you expect.
> 
> Once again, thank you so very much for being here with me! I hope the holiday season is as good for you as it has been for me this far. :***


	31. A/N

I'll let everyone in on a little secret: I've begun planning the next part and the first chapter is written! I hope to be able to post in a few weeks or so. Stay tuned! <3


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